The what-if question and personal choices: an archived Project Mindset post, originally published in 2021. Dates and roles reflect the original publication.
The What-If Question
What if is among the most dispiriting questions I ask myself. Sometimes it concerns past choices; sometimes possible, usually negative, futures.
Examples from my life:
- What if I had studied computer science instead of business? I now work mainly in IT; would it have helped?
- What if my friend and I had apologised instead of losing contact after an argument?
- What if I had accepted that job? Where would I be?
You cannot change the past
Past-focused what-ifs rarely help. We no longer control what happened. A useful reason to reflect is learning from mistakes or advising others. But dwelling longer can leave us feeling increasingly low.
The future can be influenced, for better or worse
Future what-ifs can be even more damaging by preventing good decisions. I caught them influencing me:
- What if I start a mindset podcast and nobody listens? How uncomfortable would I feel? What would people think?
- What if my first YouTube video is terrible and people talk behind my back?
These questions can stop us doing things that would benefit us. I nearly did not start my podcast for that reason.
Thoughts near the end of life
The original post referred to hospice companion and author Tenzin Kiyosaki’s account of recurring regrets:
- I did not fulfil my dreams.
- I did not share my love.
- I did not forgive people.
All fit the what-if question. Someone dreaming of self-employment may ask: what if I invest time and effort and it is not worthwhile? They see the work and money, losing sight of the dream’s value. People sometimes sacrifice a dream rather than money, though money is ultimately a means.
Someone hurt in a relationship may withhold love and passion next time, fearing wasted effort and renewed disappointment.
Or with forgiveness: what if forgiving makes me look weak? What if I get hurt again?
Many would rather spend their lives thinking about anger and disappointment than forgive.
What-ifs can prevent things that would be good for us. What matters is learning from experience and responding better in future. When I am deeply convinced I want to do something, I try not to let speculative what-ifs block the right choice for me.
Nothing in life is guaranteed. Nobody sees the future or knows with certainty what tomorrow brings.
- If you have a dream, pursue it.
- If you have love, give as much as you can.
- If you need to forgive someone, try to do so.
Mindset is everything! Listen to the related episode 28 below.
More in the Project Mindset archive (German) and the Reza Mehman Podcast.
