90. Less “having”, more “being”. A small mindset hack for more happiness!

Hi everyone and welcome to Project Mindset, the channel for all those who know that with the right mindset, anything is possible. Today I have a relatively complex Project Mindset episode for you. Complex because I don’t think I’ve quite grasped the topic 100% yet. But I’d like to share my thoughts with you today. Here’s what it’s about: I once did a Project Mindset episode with the Heidelberg musician and rapper Torch. That’s actually one of my favorite episodes.

I find him incredibly interesting. This person, Torch, whose real name is Frederik Hahn, and we even met up again after the podcast. He’s working with the city of Heidelberg to build a kind of hip-hop archive. As one of the earliest German rappers, he has been around for a long time. He had a significant impact on hip-hop, or rather rap in German, in its early years. And Heidelberg wants to work with him to create an archive that documents and preserves the early days of rap.

And we also met up at this city archive. We wanted to catch up, sort of recap the podcast we’d done together. And in this city archive, there was an archivist, and everything looked exactly as you’d imagine. Dark corridors, high ceilings, a kind of climate control system with appropriate humidity and so on, so that the materials wouldn’t get damaged. And in this archive, Torch had a little corner for all his materials.

Hip-hop history in the Heidelberg City Archives

There were all sorts of things there, like old posters, for example, that were actually printed sometime in the 90s. You can see that everything is a bit older, it had a kind of patina. There were also various texts he had written on school backpacks. The backpack itself, an old Scout backpack of his, for example. You might remember those boxy school backpacks from back then. There were all sorts of little things there, things he simply used, skateboards and so on.

That was all with Dors, and it was really interesting to see the whole thing. They also plan exhibitions like this in other cities from time to time, so everything gets transported from A to B. And on the day I was there, I think they were actually planning to transport something to Pforzheim. So there was a lot of excitement about how everything would be packed, moved back and forth, and so on. You could tell everyone was handling things very carefully. Torch even showed me one of his old records.

I think he was particularly proud of that. There was a big poster in it, too. And he told me that this poster might not sound so interesting or elaborate or whatever today. But back then there weren’t any online printing services where you could just quickly print a huge, high-quality poster. It really took some work to get a poster like that. And it was actually a limited edition of that record.

Rediscovering your own album

And he bought his own album back from someone he happened to meet. At a good price, because it included a poster of himself, of which he knew he’d only printed 50 or so. It’s quite funny when you release your own album, your own record, and then a year later you have to buy it back somehow. But he said it was important to him to own it again. And that act of ownership kind of triggered something in me.

I also asked him, “Hey, how important are these things you have to you now? Why did you even start archiving things like that for yourself?” I mean, an old Scout backpack or shoe bag or an old skateboard, posters, and so on. He said he started collecting things very early on. At the time, he did not know why he was doing it. He began collecting things very early and kept them for himself. He didn’t know why he was doing it back then, but he knew that one day it might have some kind of value for him.

Appreciate possessions and still be able to let go

I asked him, “So, how important is all this to you?” And he said it’s incredibly important to him. He really likes these things. He had to think long and hard about working on this city archive, handing over the materials, and so on. But now he’s finally decided to do it. Then I asked him, “So, what happens if everything suddenly gets lost?” Like, for example, they’re transporting something from point A to point B, and for some reason, it all disappears.

Continued

He actually thought about it briefly and said he didn’t really care. It just is what it is. I personally thought that was amazing. His indifference felt entirely believable to me. I find it interesting that on the one hand you want something, but then you can also develop such an emotional distance from it that if it’s no longer there, it’s still an okay club. That immediately reminded me of Erich Fromm’s book “To Have or To Be.”

This is a very interesting, but also very complex book. I actually have to read bits and pieces of it quite often to understand the overall message. So, I would definitely recommend taking a look. Perhaps with a small warning: it’s not as easy to read as “The Coffee at the Edge of the World.” We’ve talked about that a few times here on the podcast. It’s actually a bit more complex. Here’s a brief summary.

The book is about how wanting to possess leads to short-term pleasure, while being—that is, actually being—contributes more to one’s own happiness. It would be really complex to summarize the whole book here. But roughly speaking, for me it’s about having versus being. After reading the book, I also examined my own wording. I looked at how I use language in general, specifically whether I tend to be in the “having” mode or the “being” mode.

Considering one’s own language about wishes

And actually, I’ve noticed that I often talk about it, or rather, I used to talk about it a lot, wanting to have something. My goals were clear: a degree and a job. I wanted us to move forward, and ultimately, something that really opened my eyes. Even at the point where I said, okay, I want to have two children. But I think there’s a huge difference between saying, to stick with this example, “I want to have two children,” and saying, “I want to be a father to two children.”

That’s a very small difference, but only in language. I mean, in language. But I think in terms of mindset, it’s a huge difference. If I say, “I want a father of,” or “I want to have two children,” it already sounds quite egocentric, selfish to me, just in the way I pronounce it. “I want to have.” But if I say, “I am,” or “I want to be a father of two children,” then a bit of altruism comes through. Being a father also means having certain tasks, obligations, to take care of the children and so on.

How Having and Being Change Thinking

And here in the language, you can already hear the difference between “to have” and “to be.” So feel free to read this book. If you have any feedback on the book, please write to me. I’m also interested in your perspective, of course, how you think about it. But I wanted to mentally compare these two topics between what Torch said and what’s in this book. I also wanted to summarize them for myself and consider where I typically encounter this “to have” versus “to be” dichotomy.

I noticed it even back in my university days. There were moments, there were subjects, where I felt like I was just collecting a lot of material. I wanted the information, I wanted the notes, the documents, and so on. But it wasn’t really about understanding what was actually being said. I just wanted to collect the stuff. I wanted to have it and then pass the exam. Then there were other subjects where it wasn’t about collecting all the surrounding material at all; I actually wanted to understand the topic.

It wasn’t really important whether I had all the notes, all the documents from my fellow students, and so on. What I wanted to do was understand the subject matter, so I absorbed what was happening. Without taking lots of notes, I just wanted to understand what we were actually talking about. That’s something I’ve remembered very well from back then. I’d say most subjects were more like, “Okay, I’ll just cram this in somehow, get the notes, make copies of books, and so on.”

Studying for the exam or truly understanding

But there were actually one or two subjects that were really interesting to me. I really wanted to understand what was going on because I knew it wasn’t just about the exam, but about something long-term. That’s a small example for me where this “having versus being” thing comes into play. Another example is more of a funny one. At the gym where I train, there are also two types of, let’s say, weightlifters. People who have a barbell and then do deadlifts or something similar with the barbell.

Continued

And this one type of weightlifter always wears those weightlifting shoes. They have weightlifting belts with chalk and so on and so forth. With all their equipment, they lift a fair amount of weight, but not too much. They also take an incredibly long time. It bothers me because I want to use those machines too, but I can’t, because I know that when I see them wearing those weightlifting shoes, they’re going to spend another hour messing around with them.

Then I think to myself, okay, today I won’t do barbell training on the floor, but something else. Then there are people who don’t have any of that. They just wear normal workout clothes and show up. They then really press or lift a lot of weight, warm up briefly, and lift a lot of weight. You can tell they’re really strong. They’re only on the equipment for a relatively short time and then they just leave again. Now, the question is, of course, what about those who have a ton of equipment, they have this lifestyle, the shoes, the T-shirts that say they’re a weightlifter, and so on and so forth?

An observation in the gym

Is he a weightlifter, or is it someone who comes in, can actually lift weights, and then just leaves again, but doesn’t have that weightlifter lifestyle? Yeah, I know it’s strange to observe that kind of thing at the gym, but I actually do. I look at people, and I think you can tell pretty quickly, and I notice it in other areas too. I play basketball on the side, and there are also people there who have all the gear, from the latest basketball shoes to headbands and who knows what else.

They typically don’t play as well as people who just wear normal clothes, correct me if I’m wrong, but you can tell they love the sport. They’ve been doing it for what feels like 100 years, and these are basketball players. For me, that’s a classic example of having versus being. Some want the lifestyle, they want the equipment, others just want to play the sport, they just want to be it, so to speak.

For me personally, it’s perfectly clear that people who want to be something, who actually are something in the moment, focus on the thing itself and don’t pay attention to everything else. I’m 100% sure of that; I notice it in myself. When I’m focused on the specific thing in front of me, I’m definitely happier than when I’m thinking, “Okay, do I have the right lifestyle, do I have the right shoes, do I have the right look?” and so on and so forth.

Practicing changing perspectives in everyday life

Do I have all of this planned out versus simply doing what’s important to me in the moment? Look, I think this topic is complex. It’s also because, if you take a look at Erich Romm’s book “To Have and To Be,” it delves into this very deeply. He says, for example, that if you’re even taking notes, then you want to have those notes in the moment. And if you simply want to be, then you allow something to become a commitment. That means you don’t even write on your notes.

So, I think it can get very complex. I only have a smattering of understanding for myself, but not a complete grasp. Clarifying things for myself through language is an ongoing effort. I also keep falling back into old patterns. I notice it myself, saying things like, “I want that.” But then I also tell myself, for example, when I realize, “Hey, okay, this is the example of being a father of two again.” I want to have children, or I want to be a father. That makes a huge difference for me in terms of language and also in terms of mindset, how I then approach these topics.

Alright everyone, that’s it for today. I hope you enjoyed the podcast episode. If so, please give it a like, because that’s the only way Project Mindset can continue to grow. I say this every time. Your continued support means a great deal to me. I’ll talk again next week. Until then, remember, mindset is everything.