87. Ive made peace with myself so we can go to war together!

Hi everyone and welcome to Project Mindset, the channel for all those who know that with the right mindset, anything is possible. Before we get to the actual topic of today’s podcast, I have a little story to tell. I’ve already done two interviews—two recordings—with two different guests during this podcast. We recorded them live on location. The first one approached me afterward and said, “Hey Reza, I feel really uncomfortable with the content of this podcast.”

I feel like I didn’t really add anything of value, and my comments weren’t that great either. I’d be perfectly happy if we didn’t publish it. So, with that guest, I said, “Hey, of course, I don’t see it that way, I think your content was really strong, really good, but I respect your opinion.” With the other guest, it was around the same time. That other guest’s podcast was really long.

So, I think that was the longest recording I’ve ever made, and I was really happy with the content afterward. I finished editing everything, sent it to the guest, and said, “Hey, after your approval, I’d release it soon.” And then there was no reply at first. Okay, maybe the email got lost, so I wrote again: “Hey, here’s the link to the download file again, could you please listen to it? And if you give me the go-ahead, then I’d like to release it.”

If there is no response

Still no answer, then I realized for the first time what the word “ghosting” actually means—that someone simply doesn’t reply. Of course, I found it very strange at first that he didn’t respond, but on the other hand, I have to say I respect the decisions people make. In the first case, he didn’t want it published because he wasn’t happy with the content. As for the second, I obviously don’t know his personal circumstances; maybe something’s going on in his personal life or at work, I just don’t know.

Perhaps that’s why he decided not to reply, for whatever reason. Either way, I certainly wasn’t angry or upset at all; I respect people’s decisions. Not replying is also a decision, and of course, you try to understand what you might have done wrong. How can you behave differently next time? What I definitely took away from this is that you shouldn’t get too attached to individual things that you may have spent a lot of time working on, that you shouldn’t get too fixated on them and say, “Hey, this was so important, it absolutely has to be included in the podcast, for example.”

Don’t make the past the measure of the future.

So, I generally don’t feel attached to individual things I’ve done or wanted to achieve in the past, not clinging to them and saying, “Hey, so much depends on this for my future.” So, that was that little side story. But today’s topic is perhaps something similar, yet a super interesting observation I’ve made over the last few months and years. I’m actually getting more and more inquiries these days, like, “Hey Reza, how should I handle this?”

What am I supposed to do about it, and so on? Well, I’m obviously not a psychologist; I’m just answering from my own experience. But what I’ve really noticed is that many people burden themselves with their circumstances, which they perceive as bad, and because of these circumstances, they might not be able to function well in the future. What I mean by that is… A neighbor of mine recently told me how unhappy he was. He feels that although he has a good job, works at a bank, everything is great.

Comparison with other people

But he feels like everyone else is further along than him. Everyone has a house, everyone has a great car, everyone has things like that, and so on and so forth. And he doesn’t know exactly what he did wrong, but he knows he wants more. And he feels like he’s simply fallen behind in the activities he’s been involved in. Another acquaintance of mine is in a very similar situation. He told me that he started his career quite late. He had to try a few things first, get an apprenticeship, then maybe a few jobs, and so on.

Eventually, they did go on to university, but started working quite late. They got a bit older and felt like, “Hey, I’m not really getting anywhere.” And why did I do things that way in the past? What can I do now to get ahead faster? And the classic scenario—I think many people can relate, especially if they have a job that doesn’t fulfill them—was something I knew. A friend of mine, who’s currently working, said to me, “I don’t really enjoy it.”

Continued

Well, I do this, of course, because I have to earn money. But I don’t really enjoy it, and I don’t know what I’d like to do instead. That’s interesting, of course. Many people know what they don’t want to do. That’s important, too. But the art of living is knowing what you want, what you want to do. Because I believe that contributes to being truly happy. That’s definitely worth a podcast episode dedicated to exploring what you actually want in life.

My point was more about this burden, or rather this self-burdening, of weighing oneself down with accusations. Why did things turn out this way? What is stopping me from seeing the next step? Why did I choose this job? I think many people burden themselves with such questions and become incredibly unhappy as a result. And because of this burden, they simply can’t find a solution that moves them forward. I’d like to share two key points that I apply to myself time and again. When I’m in situations where I feel, okay, I’m stuck right now and I don’t know why…

An analogy to the ups and downs of life

And maybe I’ve made some mistakes in the past. Here’s an analogy I really like. The analogy is to the stock market, so to speak. I always find it interesting when, for example, someone talks about a stock or a cryptocurrency or something and says, “Yes, it’s at its yearly low.” True, that may be the case. But this yearly low is perhaps still much higher than the peak price from three, four, or five years ago. And applying this analogy to oneself.

Maybe I’m going through a rough patch right now, but this rough patch is much higher than my highest peaks from, say, five years ago. I think you have to realize that first. We all tend to think that way sometimes. I think everyone can relate. We all tend to say things like, “Somehow everything’s just not right now. I’m not making any progress. It’s not fun, or I don’t know how to decide. I just don’t feel so great.” But when you realize that your current rough patch is most likely much higher than your highest peak from five years ago…

Putting one’s own low point into perspective

And that puts everything into perspective for me. It makes me think about it again. It really is such a low point. So, am I really in a valley right now, am I also in a real slump, or am I overreacting a bit with these self-recriminations, or saying, “Well, everything else is going so much better for them, and things aren’t going so well for me.” So I put the whole thing into perspective again, especially using this stock market analogy. Yes, okay, I’m at a low point right now, but it’s still much higher than my highest point from five years ago.

And the second one is a quote that I absolutely, positively, really like, which I definitely want to share. It also kind of puts things into perspective, like adjusting your perspective, making you say, okay, how do I actually see myself? How do I actually see my life? Where do I want to go from here? How can I actually make better decisions for my own future? And the quote goes like this: “I ‘ve made peace with myself so we can go to war together.”

Making peace with one’s own decisions

I find that quote incredibly powerful. What it means to me is that I simply don’t blame myself. I don’t burden myself with any accusations, because I can’t change the facts behind them anyway. For example, if I made a decision five years ago, I can’t change it now. So I don’t burden myself with it anymore. Therefore, I’m not at war with myself; instead, I’m completely relaxed about it and say, “Okay, hey, I’m at peace with myself, and I’ll try to make better decisions for the future.”

I personally find this extremely important to say. I’m at peace with myself, so opening up another can of worms and fighting against myself, against the mistakes I might have made in the past, is pointless. What definitely does help is learning from those mistakes. So I completely agree with reflecting on the mistakes you’ve made, but not letting them hold you back or sabotage you for future actions or decisions you might want to make.

Focusing energy on the future

That’s definitely the wrong way. I find this quote, “I ‘ve made peace with myself so we can go to war together,” incredibly powerful. So, that’s it for today’s podcast episode. I hope you enjoyed it. If so, I’d be very grateful if you could leave a like, because that’s the only way Project Mindset can continue to grow, especially on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. I’d be incredibly grateful if you could leave a review or give it a star.

Continued

That way I also get a bit more feedback on whether it’s well-received or not. Like I said, I’d be incredibly grateful for that. Thank you so much for listening. We’ll talk again soon. Until next time. Don’t forget, until then. Mindset is everything.