6. Protect your Confidence

Hi everyone, this is Reza Mehman, and you’re listening to the sixth episode of the Project Mindset podcast. Do you know that moment when you’re telling someone, say your friends, about something you’ve just started or are really excited about? It could be a hobby, a book, or a quote you’ve heard. And the friend sitting across from you immediately criticizes it. They say, “Ugh, no, I don’t really like it.” Or, “I don’t like it.” Well, if you like it, that’s fine.

Something similar happened to a friend of mine. And it really got me thinking about today’s cover story, “Protect Your Confidence.” I think I should tell you the story briefly. It was like this: the four of us were sitting at the table, having dinner together. I have a small group of friends we meet up with regularly. Unfortunately, we don’t see each other often, but we do meet regularly and just tell each other everything that’s been going on in the meantime, what’s on our minds, what we enjoy, but also what’s difficult for us.

A conversation about a new beginning

One of my friends has been going through a rather difficult time and talked about it, sharing mistakes he’d made in the past and how he’s trying to avoid them in the future. He also spoke a lot about his new mindset, how he’s approaching the whole mindset issue. And what I thought was great was that he showed a very vulnerable side of himself, because anyone who talks about their weaknesses or the issues that are on their mind is naturally revealing a bit of vulnerability.

I thought that was really great. On the other hand, it was also wonderful to see him making progress, improving. When he then talked about his routine, about how he uses various things daily to further develop his mindset, one of my other friends who was there unfortunately made a few negative comments. I don’t think there was any malice involved; he just said, “Yeah, I don’t need that. I don’t know what you find so great about it.”

When comments cause uncertainty

So, I don’t need that sort of thing. Well, if you need it, then go ahead and do it. Like I said, I don’t think it was malicious at the time, but I noticed it hurt my friend, who was talking about his new mindset topics. Hurt in the sense that he was maybe even a little crestfallen. And I also briefly got the impression that he himself might have thought what he was doing was stupid, because you probably know how it is when you start something new, your confidence isn’t as high at the beginning as it is if you’ve been working on something for 10, 15, or 20 years.

And so, at that moment, I really wanted to tell my buddy, “Hey, protect your confidence. Don’t let anyone talk you down, just keep doing what you’re doing if you truly believe it’s the right thing to do.” Unfortunately, I missed the opportunity to tell him that. And afterwards, I’ve thought a lot about what tools, or resources, as I like to call them when it comes to mindset, I wish I had given him.

Stay on topic

And that’s exactly the point. So, if you have a topic that’s really important to you, even if friends, acquaintances, and so on react negatively to it, you should still pursue it. These three tools are relatively simple, and I hope they’ll be as useful to you as they’ve often been to me. One tool I particularly like to use, and I’ve connected it to a metaphor, is the hedgehog principle. What I mean by that is what I find so cool about hedgehogs.

I have the feeling we have a hedgehog here in the garden; I have the feeling they do their own thing. They curl up into a ball, extend their spines, and you can’t get near them even if you wanted to. And if you apply that to yourself, meaning if you’ve just discovered something new and someone comes along and tries to poke you from the side, and this is perhaps the negative aspect, you simply curl up, extend your spines, and remain fully focused on your own task.

Maintain focus and outgrow your surroundings

This is a tool I wish I could have given my buddy. Hey, listen, he just said something nasty, but hey, concentrate and focus completely on your topic. No matter what else is being said. The second tool I like to use, actually in a different context, but it fits perfectly here too, is when I notice I’m talking to certain people or people in my circle about something and they just can’t understand it at all, but I’m absolutely certain that the topic is valid and, above all, that my approach is valid, then I have a thought in my head that is, maybe I’ve just outgrown my environment a bit.

Personal growth and the environment

So, I’ve grown myself, and maybe I’ve simply outgrown my surroundings. That doesn’t mean I’m smarter or better or anything like that, but perhaps that I’m simply on the right track with a topic, and my environment just isn’t ready to understand what I’m talking about. Of course, I also consider that I myself might not have fully grasped the topic yet, but this tool helps me to reflect, to think, okay, hey, maybe I’ve outgrown my friends in this category, or in this knowledge, or in whatever it may be.

That doesn’t mean, as I said, that I’m smarter than them, but simply that I might even be further along in this case. Accordingly, I don’t let comments like that get to me too much, because I know, hey, maybe you need to gain some experience yourself to really understand what I mean. The third tool, which I find particularly useful, is that I’m the kind of person who gets incredibly over-motivated by things other people do.

Yes, hey, you did a fantastic job! Of course, that made me feel good, and I’ve been thinking about it too. I think I talked about this in the first episode, about how you can have an information bias. That is, if you get too many positive comments, you can become a bit blind to the downside of something. You’re so focused on the positive aspects that you don’t even consider other possibilities in certain situations.

Be mindful of how you handle praise and criticism

And what I told myself back then was, hey, I’d better not pay too much attention to too many positive comments. I mean, I can’t stand these comments. This isn’t just for positive comments, though, but of course also for negative ones. So, I tell myself, hey, okay, that was a very negative comment. I’m just not going to listen to it, just like I don’t listen to positive comments. I’m just going to do my own thing. These are the three tools that have admittedly helped me a lot in many situations.

And I wish I had told my friend back then. I brought it up later, but I actually had to work through my own understanding of how I even see the concept of confidence, what I would do if someone attacked it. I’ve found these three tools that work for me. I hope they help you too. I think they’re especially helpful in this regard. And that’s an important topic for me, becoming more emotionally resilient. So, if someone comes along, positive or negative, and throws something at you, you simply don’t listen and don’t deviate from your path.

Staying true to oneself

One thing that fits quite well in this context. I found a great quote a while ago. I’d like to share it with you briefly. It goes: “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” It’s by Dr. Seuss. What I find really good is that, translated, it means something like, “Be who you are and say what you feel.” Those who have something to complain about here—please don’t translate it literally—are not important. And those who are important to you have nothing to complain about.

I think that fits in with this context, especially when you’re new to something. I pay attention to that too. For example, with my little one. If he’s learning something new and makes a mistake at first, I certainly don’t say, “That was terribly wrong. You’re not supposed to do it like that.” I let him try it out first. It’s important that I don’t bombard him with negative comments or corrections. He needs to do his own thing and build his confidence first.

Growth needs support

Interestingly, we let small children do that. But the older someone gets, the sooner we start to reprimand them. They might be doing something we don’t like, but we reprimand them. And they’re not even old enough for us to reprimand them. And we often don’t reflect on our own actions. What I’m saying to them is perfectly fine. There doesn’t even have to be any malicious intent behind it. Okay, folks, that was a relatively short episode. Let me summarize briefly.

By “protect your confidence,” I mean make sure you don’t let anything deter you from your path, not even negative comments. Use tools, like the ones I described earlier. The hedgehog principle. Extend your spines. Focus intensely on your own thing. Just ignore negative comments. Number 2: Perhaps you’ve simply outgrown your surroundings with your new topics, your new routines, or your new thoughts. You’re already further along than those around you.

Three tools for more self-confidence

That means, just don’t listen to it. Don’t take it personally if someone says something negative. Maybe they’re just not ready themselves yet. And the third thing: I can’t hear you. Not in a positive way, but not in a negative way either. Listening to other people too much. Just keep doing your own thing. Well, I was glad you were with me again. If you liked the content, or at least took something away from it, please leave me a review. Subscribe to the channel.

Tell your friends and acquaintances about it. And as always, if you have any questions, feedback, or would like to talk to me personally, just write to me at halloatprojectmindset.de. Have a great day everyone, and see you next week. Don’t forget, mindset is everything.