51. Who is actually responsible for my own happiness? Gina Schöler on Project Mindset!

But to pause for a moment and ask yourself, what am I doing all this for? What is the ultimate goal? To spend your whole life chasing after this carrot in front of you, panting, never pausing to enjoy what you’ve already achieved – that can’t be it. And that’s this classic “if-then” game we all intuitively play automatically. If I’ve accomplished this or that, then I deserve it, then I can take a break, then I can relax, then I can go on vacation, then I’ll be happy.

And anyone who’s ever achieved that, or reached a milestone here and there that one would actually call a success, has noticed that somehow that hoped-for feeling just didn’t materialize with the intensity with which they had constantly envisioned it and worked towards it. It’s this chronic dissatisfaction, this constant worry about what’s next. And just like that, welcome to the hamster wheel. Dear Gina, thank you so much for your time today.

Gina Schöler and the Ministry of Happiness

With pleasure. I’m very much looking forward to our conversation. Yes, me too. As I’ve already mentioned, I met you at a lecture a few years ago. Since then, I’ve been observing what you do from afar, so to speak. You found it super interesting, too. And, let’s say, the setup. You’re the Minister of Happiness. That brings with it a kind of witty, relaxed atmosphere, if you think of the Minister of Happiness.

Therefore, I think you’ve done quite a few things right. And I’d like to start with the first question, of course. What does the Minister of Happiness do, and how does she actually define happiness? Those are two different questions, and answering each could easily take an hour. I’ll try to summarize. Minister of Happiness, of course, as you said, meant with a wink. It’s a self-appointed title; it doesn’t yet exist in Germany. I say that quite deliberately because there are already some serious government initiatives around the world that are moving in this direction.

That’s why it’s not so utopian anymore. Here in Germany, it’s still a hypothetical ministry, an independent initiative that I’ve had the privilege of leading for almost 10 years now. So, next year I’ll be 22, my 10th anniversary. And what I do is work full-time as a creative professional. Through which channels can these incredibly, incredibly important topics—satisfaction, well-being, mental health, positive psychology—how do you get these insights, these facts, to people?

Making happiness in everyday life a topic of discussion

But completely practical, completely unconventional, really down-to-earth, so that everyone feels addressed and realizes: Whoa, these are really important questions, important topics. I’m excited, I’m eager, I’m motivated to tackle them. That’s my job, to make it happen so that our society pauses for a moment, realizes again what’s truly important in life. Whether it’s always just this higher, faster, further, more, or perhaps other things should take center stage, I want to be the voice for that.

And with campaigns, offers, formats, events, books, podcasts, and so on, we put it on the public agenda. And that’s incredibly fun. I never get tired of it. Perhaps I can get to the second part of your question: how do I define happiness? And that’s the wonderful thing. I’m often asked, “Aren’t you getting sick of this topic after so many years, always the same thing?” And then I say, no, it’s not always the same thing, because it’s so highly individual that, on the one hand, I find it difficult and almost resist giving a universally applicable definition.

And on the other hand, I’m amazed every day, learning and growing from what I can also learn from other people in this area. Of course, there are insights from happiness research, from the aforementioned positive psychology. There are a few parameters, let’s say a few basic ingredients in this recipe for happiness. These are quite good and important when they are present. A sense of security about them. So, simply a few basic prerequisites that make it easier for people to be content and happy.

Finding your own recipe for happiness

But the subtle nuances, the ingredients, the spices that ultimately make the whole soup what you personally like – everyone has to discover that for themselves. I don’t want to preempt that process. I’m the one who whets your appetite, to stick with that metaphor. Yes, in preparation for this conversation, I naturally also thought about how I personally define happiness. And my initial assumption was that everyone actually has a different definition of it.

Balance between different areas of life

When I delved a little deeper into my own life, I realized that, for me, happiness actually comes from having a balance in the important areas of my life. For example, family, sports, my job, the work I do—all of that needs to be in some kind of balance. Because otherwise, if I’m only giving 100 percent to one thing, I feel like I’m not fully fulfilled. And I don’t mean that negatively at all. I even feel a bit guilty sometimes when I think about it that way.

Actually, it feels very… Exactly. But if I were to ask you personally, what makes you happy, or what makes you unhappy? What would you say? Well, I would agree with a very, very large part of what you just said. There’s this great exercise called the “life advice” exercise. Maybe some of you are already familiar with it, where you divide your life into pie-shaped sections within a 360-degree circle, depending on which areas of life come to mind or are important to you.

You have family, health, sports, a job, social contributions, and a connection to nature. There are countless ways to categorize these different aspects of your life. And then you can take stock of your current situation. How are things going for me in these various areas of my life? And I completely agree with you that a good balance is important. It doesn’t have to be perfectly balanced everywhere. It doesn’t have to be perfectly even. Perhaps social contributions are much more important to someone than a fulfilling family life.

Reflecting needs and areas of life

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. It’s simply about taking stock: does this resonate with me, what’s my current situation? And if not, what can I change? Personally, I’ve naturally developed my own little definition over time. I don’t want to set it in stone, but it’s not like this is the current state of affairs. It’s entirely possible that things will change throughout life, just as everything in life is constantly evolving.

For me, living in connection with others is absolutely crucial. And that’s obviously an abstract definition, but it simply means, on the one hand, a healthy dose of self-interest: being connected to myself, knowing how I’m doing, knowing what needs lie dormant within me, standing up for them, fulfilling them, knowing my values ​​and putting them into practice, not compromising myself, regularly checking in with myself, and allowing myself peace, time out, and autonomy.

Especially as a family person, that’s not always so easy. I know what you mean. And also the connection to my surroundings, to the people around me, whether in my private life—family, friends—but also in the wider world, with society, with other people. Being in contact with others, making connections—it could be eye contact, it could be a little chat on the street. Just that feeling of belonging. Of being part of something bigger. That gives me an incredibly comforting and secure feeling.

Responsibility for the happiness of others

And that’s something I would definitely include in my recipe for happiness. Connecting with my surroundings, so to speak. Absolutely. Connecting with myself and with my surroundings, both internally and externally. Super interesting. Even in preparing for the conversation, one question was absolutely central for me. And that also has something to do with guilt, or rather, less guilt, at times. Namely, the question of whether I personally—let me say this as a father, as a husband, as a son, as a brother, as a friend—am personally responsible for the happiness of my neighbor, of my loved ones.

I personally don’t have an answer to that. Judging that feels incredibly difficult. My view is that everyone has to find their own happiness first. Contributing is certainly possible for me. I can definitely help prevent negative things from happening, meaning unhappiness. But what advice would you give me, or what would you tell me, if I asked you, “Am I responsible for the happiness around me?” Actually, you’ve already answered the question quite well yourself.

No, I’d like to make that perfectly clear from the outset. No one should or must or is solely responsible for another person’s happiness and well-being. As you so aptly put it, you can definitely contribute. Our social environment is absolutely crucial. This is also according to happiness research; there’s this fantastic, incredibly long-term study on happiness, the so-called Grand Study from Harvard Medical School, which has been running since 1938. It’s a massive undertaking.

Social relationships and personal responsibility

And the main insight is—and this isn’t rocket science, it isn’t exactly common sense, but the main insight is that the most important external factor for our mental well-being is social relationships. Accordingly, you naturally have a huge influence on life satisfaction, on that of your loved ones, on that of your fellow human beings, but not 100% and not solely. You are an important factor, but not the only one. And that means a huge part simply lies in our own hands.

To a certain extent, we are born with a predisposition to how we perceive happiness in life, whether we tend to see the glass as half full or half empty. This is certainly partly genetically determined. There is a small part that is influenced by external factors. Health plays a role here, as do material and financial circumstances. But we have up to 40% of it in our own hands. It’s our attitude, our mindset, what we do as individuals, or don’t do.

And as someone in their environment, your influence is limited. You can always offer inspiration, you can nudge them, you can gently encourage them, you can point out possibilities, you can offer a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on, but often you can’t do more than inspire and be there. I want to say that if there are people in their environment—and this topic is very close to my heart—who suffer from mental illness, which affects an incredibly large number of people in Germany. I believe there are currently five and a half million, and one in five has experienced some kind of mental illness at least once in their lives.

Support and personal boundaries

Then there’s a lot you can do as a support network to help someone. Assistance with finding a therapist, not sweeping the issue under the rug—there are many possibilities. But as with many things in life, at the end of the day, the person has to want it and do it themselves. That applies to illnesses, but it also applies to happiness. Yes, thank you very much for the detailed answer. I’m still finding it a bit difficult, to be honest. I think it also has something to do with a guilty conscience.

For example, if I can only focus on myself for a while because I need to make progress in certain areas, then I simply have less time to take care of others, but then my conscience automatically kicks in. Yes, I could really do more for that one person who’s important to me right now. It always helps me, I’m no different. Like everything else, it comes in waves and phases. And for me, it’s also strongly dependent on the seasons – when I’m in a flow at work again, when I might withdraw and need more social interaction with family and friends.

Communicate needs openly

It really helps me to acknowledge that everything is in flux, sometimes coming and sometimes going, sometimes stronger and sometimes weaker. And I try, as far as I can – I always have to reflect on and check things myself first – to communicate openly and deal with it as best I can, in the spirit of nonviolent communication and needs-based communication, saying things like, “Hey guys, I’m going through this phase right now. I’m turning my phone off more often, I’m not checking WhatsApp as much, it has absolutely nothing to do with you.”

I’m doing well, all things considered, but I’m going through a certain phase right now. And there’s a huge amount of understanding on the other side for the most part. That’s a good point, communication and transparency, basically. Yes, absolutely. Well, to some extent, there’s this wonderful philosophy of Radical Honesty. It doesn’t mean being radically honest, telling everyone off with, “I think what you’re doing is awful, let me be so blunt,” but rather being completely transparent and open, even vulnerable, showing yourself as a human being with all your quirks, flaws, and ups and downs.

Connection and the book “Happiness”

And there we are again, back to the topic of connection and belonging. Suddenly, you’re on a completely different level with each other, with much more understanding and openness. And I think that’s something we could all use more of in society. Very well said. I also wanted to come back to your book. Say baby. Yes, happiness for once. Yes, thank you so much. So, the book is really great. I think I’ve also been using it as a kind of workbook, sort of a little guide on what I can do to, let’s say, feel happier, or just for a bit of inspiration and motivation to simply try a few things out.

And there were so many points in there. So, in total, there are 99 points, exactly, that really made me think. And I wanted to address a few of them because I think they’re absolutely right. One point, for example, was that many people have this mantra in their heads: “I perform, therefore I am.” Busted, yes. I think, especially in the professional world—I see it in myself, too—I have to check if I’m making progress, if I’m advancing, because only then do I feel good, so to speak. And at some point, I realize, no, actually, I have to let go of that.

Performance pressure and satisfaction

Just because I’ve made progress at work doesn’t mean I feel any better. Do you see similar issues in our society in general, where the pressure to perform actually leads to feeling unhappy? Yes, for me, this has been a really, really big year, with about five exclamation marks. We live in a truly intense performance-driven society on all levels. I also work a lot with students, with classes, with teachers.

Just a glance at the education system shows that it’s heading precisely in the direction I’ve already alluded to: higher, faster, further. Everyone wants an impressive resume. Everyone wants to study something cool so they can make a lot of money. It seems to be ingrained in us from birth, for whatever reason—I don’t want to single anyone out—that this is what you need to have a good, successful, fulfilling life.

The if-then trap in everyday life

But to pause for a moment and ask yourself, what am I doing all this for? What is the ultimate goal? To spend your whole life chasing after this carrot in front of you, panting, never pausing to enjoy what you’ve already achieved – that can’t be it. And that’s this classic “if it ain’t gotta” game we all intuitively play automatically. If I’ve accomplished this or that, then I deserve it, then I can take a break, then I can relax, then I can go on vacation, then I’ll be happy.

And anyone who’s ever achieved that, or reached a milestone here and there that one would actually call a success, has noticed that somehow that hoped-for feeling just didn’t come with the intensity they’d constantly envisioned and worked towards. It’s this chronic dissatisfaction: what’s next, what’s next? And just like that, welcome to the hamster wheel. That’s really the ticket to it.

Who am I without achievement?

And to completely detach oneself from it. And that’s truly easier said than done. I’m still very much in the process of doing that myself. Who am I if I’m not achieving anything? Whatever “achieving” means is, of course, a matter of individual interpretation. Who am I, or how do I evaluate myself? An even more interesting question: How do I evaluate myself if I’m not achieving anything? I haven’t found my answer yet, or rather, the answers written in my notebook aren’t as kind as how I evaluate myself when I’m not achieving anything.

But it’s definitely important to look at this, even if it might hurt. It’s absolutely crucial to accept this lack of achievement, this boredom, from time to time. And maybe we’ll even get to the point where we can celebrate it again. Important points you’re making. I think this concept of delayed gratification is so deeply ingrained in us. Of course, it makes sense to postpone gratification in certain situations. But when it comes to happiness, that’s precisely what you shouldn’t do. If there’s a reason to be happy today, then I should be happy today, not just after I’ve achieved something.

Consciously celebrate small successes

So, I had to deal with that too, because I also had the feeling at times that I’d forgotten how to celebrate important intermediate steps, let’s say small milestones. Like, you achieve something and somehow, yeah, no, only when I’ve done this and that do I really celebrate properly. And this reflection, this realization that I can celebrate myself just for the sake of it. I know it might sound arrogant, but important little intermediate steps. No, I agree, there’s even an exercise for that.

The other important thing I wanted to mention briefly is what you just said, “Who am I?” And I find that particularly interesting in this context. I’ve been updating my LinkedIn profile and I’ve noticed that everyone seems to start by listing their title. Like, “So-and-so” or “This is my title.” But that doesn’t actually tell you anything about the person. No, nothing at all. You aren’t defined by your title, whether you’re a founder or a manager.

But people, interestingly enough, there are people who write things like, “I am so-and-so,” trying to express it. But I find it incredibly difficult to answer, “Who am I, really?” As simple and straightforward as the question sounds. Perhaps you could… Well, that’s quite philosophical, isn’t it? Yes, exactly. You could write entire doctoral theses on that, of course. But yes, we like to keep things like, “My house, my car, my horse” in front of us.

Getting to know people beyond their titles

And of course, the title plays a big role there. Interestingly, especially at events, when I give seminars or something, it’s very, very important to me not to do that classic round of introductions, so that, especially when I’m at a company internally, people don’t just throw their hierarchical levels around. I want people to show themselves authentically, without any roles, facades, masks, or anything like that.

And that’s where you need to ask different questions. Like… For example, if you were to write a book this year, what would the title be? Or what is one of your greatest strengths? What was the last thing you learned? And suddenly people start to ponder and babble, sometimes even forgetting to say their own name because they’re so engrossed in explaining and philosophizing, and you get a truly fantastic sense of them.

And then the name and title almost become irrelevant. You immediately have stories that you can connect, that you can build upon. So I can only wholeheartedly recommend it to everyone. Whether it’s in the neighborhood, or at a family gathering around a long table, just ask different questions. And suddenly, conversations begin that have a completely different depth. Very nice, very nice. I’d like to add a small postscript before you move on to the next question, a small postscript on this topic of performance.

Goals and satisfaction are linked

It’s important to me to emphasize that there’s no demonizing it—not about achieving things in life, activating that positive, positive energy response, and doing things that can lead to success. For example, there’s a formula in positive psychology called the PERMA formula. The “A” in PERMA stands for Achievement. So, having goals, working towards them, achieving them, and hopefully enjoying the results—that’s definitely part of life satisfaction.

So, things aren’t always black and white. I just wanted to emphasize that. Absolutely, I completely agree with you. Absolutely. Another important point in your book, or at least that’s how I discovered it, was that there was a kind of exercise in it. Please complete the sentence. Sometimes I pretend. Yes. Well, I have to say, that really blew me away. What did you come up with? I’m—it’s difficult, I’ll say it now, I’ve thought about it for a long time, but I asked myself, what comes out in your experience, what comes out for most people, if, of course, please don’t mention any names and so on.

An exercise for greater authenticity

But have you noticed any patterns, any recurring motifs, in what people typically say? I like to do this in a paired exercise where two people sit opposite each other and really listen attentively. One person gets five minutes, then the other, and then they repeat the sentence as often as possible, completing it very intuitively. Without overthinking it. And the main insights from this exercise are that in everyday life, I pretend to be someone I’m not in the smallest things, much more often than necessary, in order to avoid conflict.

That’s a classic example: conflict avoidance, trying to please others, wondering what they think of me, whether I’m living up to my role. It’s about avoiding any friction, keeping a low profile, and getting away with it in the broadest sense. But in the long run, that’s generally counterproductive to our well-being. And that brings us back to the topic of authenticity, genuineness, and humanity, which sometimes includes standing up for yourself and perhaps doing something that isn’t expected or that you wouldn’t normally do.

Live your own values ​​even on holidays

And here’s a small example, which is also a classic every year at Christmas: how many people celebrate this holiday according to some rules, routines, I don’t know, traditions they don’t actually want to follow. There they sit with their extended family, unsure what questions to ask. And then I think to myself, stand up for celebrating this holiday the way it’s important to you, what values ​​are most important to you, and take the freedom to be yourself, to make it your own.

Suddenly, it could be pleasant for once, without arguments or discussions. Very nice, very nice. Another point I definitely took away from this: you wrote in a book that, for example, when you’re stopped at a red light, you should just kiss your partner. Great suggestion, I think it’s amazing. It’s not my idea, it’s from a workshop participant, which I’m happy to share with you. Yes, because I just think the idea is fantastic; then you’re kind of, ah, a red light.

JOMO: The Joy of Leaving

You know what’s coming up, and I think that’s a great starting point. But what I also found really cool was the topic of YOMO, or Joy of Missing Out. I actually did a podcast episode on FOMO, Fear of Missing Out, recently. Right, we all have the feeling that we’re missing out on something if we’re not involved or haven’t done something. But consciously realizing, Joy of Missing Out, is the idea that I’m deliberately not participating and I’m happy about it.

How did you get there? It’s also very much about autonomy. About deciding for yourself what you’re in the mood for, what you’re not in the mood for, what your energy levels are, what resources you currently have, for whom or what am I doing it? And then deciding very concretely and consciously what I’m going to participate in and what I’m going to let go of. And it’s also very much about societal pressures. How do I shape my life? Do I go to university? Should I start a family? Do I go on that trip around the world?

Yes or no? Or is it okay to just chill comfortably at home on the sofa? Not sprucing up your resume and doing everything for Instagram? Nah, do your own thing. Yes, I think that’s great. All these connections to ideas—I can really recommend everyone take a look at the book. You’ll learn a lot. What I also found super interesting was the section on perspective. You have an exercise in the book where you ask, “What do you see on this piece of paper?” There was a black dot on it.

The black dot and the white area

And all around it was just white. Of course, the black dot catches your eye. And of course, intuitively, you don’t even think, “Yes, but there’s also a white area there.” So, it’s the perspective, or rather, sometimes you just focus on a black dot and forget about everything around it. That’s how it was for me; I founded a startup years ago. We were incredibly successful at the beginning. Then, unfortunately, a few bad decisions were made. And it didn’t end so well, let’s just say.

And at first, all I saw was this defeat. I didn’t see anything else I had gained in those few years – new friends, a network, and experience. None of that was visible to me. I only saw the defeat, until it finally dawned on me that I needed to change my perspective. Because it’s not all about gains and losses; behind every loss, or at least behind most losses, there’s also a gain.

Changing your perspective on everyday life

So, the theme of perspective really came to light for me with this black dot. Exactly. It’s somewhat connected to the red light. Of course, a red light is connoted as something very negative, something that annoys us, that wastes our time, that’s just annoying. And that’s where the question arises: how can we, in the broadest sense, make the best of the situation? How can I reframe it so that I can cope with it well, or even better? And with the red light, well, you could make out. But you could also pick up your phone and send a one-minute voice message to a loved one.

Or with a hands-free system, to be perfectly accurate. Regarding the black mark, yes, it’s very much about perception. As you said, it’s also about changing perspectives, acknowledging and appreciating the surrounding circumstances, the other things that may have happened or gone by the wayside, seemingly without a second thought. Because the black mark, and this too is individual, might represent an illness for one person. For another, it’s job loss. For someone else, it’s an email with negative feedback.

Consciously perceive the positive aspects

So, all magnitudes are included. That’s what we’re constantly preoccupied with, what all our thoughts revolve around. But, and here we are back to the topic, how do we manage to outsmart evolution like that? How do we retrain our brains to perceive the positive as well? Because, unfortunately, the fact is, the “saber, tooth, tiger” mentality is still deeply ingrained in us. Our focus is on the bad, on the dangerous, on what potentially threatens our lives, in quotation marks.

And that’s where it’s important to consciously and attentively focus on what’s good and what’s beneficial. And in this case, it’s the surrounding space that’s much larger and more multifaceted than this one little problem we’re focusing on. That’s what’s so great about the book: you work a lot with visuals. Not just in the sense of “there’s the text, I read it,” but you work with the visuals. And that brings me to my next point.

Understanding priorities with the glass of stones

For me, the real eye-opener was the story about having a large glass and putting large stones in it. You write that the large stones represent, for example, important areas of life, like family. For me, it also represents sports, this topic, and many others. And then you fill the space around these large stones with sand. This sand essentially represents the everyday stress one experiences, the tasks one has to complete, and so on. This was a real eye-opener for me because I had never before visually represented these major areas of life.

I knew they were important, but I’d never really visualized it that way. And then it hit me, because the space is naturally taken up by the large stones. Then it became visually clear to me, wow, yes, family has to take up space. So that means, in a 24-hour day, I can’t just get my work done, all the tasks that need doing, but it’s not for nothing that I wrote “Family” or “Sports” on a large stone, for example.

They need to occupy that space, an hour or two, or whatever it takes. So I wanted to thank you for that; it was a real eye-opener for me. How did you come up with it? I saw it myself in an online lecture. There are also YouTube videos about it. It’s a great exercise in terms of how you set your priorities in life, because we often get bogged down in the little things. And ultimately, this very tactile visualization with a large mason jar helps.

Big stones and small tasks

Some people use large stones, others use ping-pong balls. There are all sorts of variations, so first think about what your main pillars in life are. For you, it’s family, sports, and so on. Then there are a few less important things that are still close to your heart. Those are like pebbles, a bit smaller. And then there’s the sand in the gears—I think I put it a bit flippantly in the book, something about tax returns, mother-in-law, and so on.

It’s just something you have to do, something that doesn’t fulfill you or is the ultimate goal for your own happiness. And the game-changer, the turning point in this exercise, is, if we’re honest with ourselves, that we spend the whole day dealing with this “sand,” in quotation marks. That is, if we first fill this jar with that sand, then add the unimportant pebbles, and only then put in what’s truly, truly, truly important to us—the big rocks representing sports, family, and so on—then they simply won’t fit anymore.

Put the most important things in the glass first.

That’s the crux of the whole matter. That’s why, as you so aptly put it, the larger pieces have to go in first, and then everything else can fill in the smaller gaps. And one professor in the lecture even poured in a can of beer right at the end. Interestingly, that fit in too. It flows between all the sand and pebbles. Then it seeps in as well. And then he says, so nicely and honestly, “Dear friends, there’s always time for a beer with good friends, no matter how full your schedule is.”

And that’s such a beautiful metaphor for how you set your priorities, how you put together your agenda. If you don’t make room for what’s truly important in life, then everything else will take over. And I actually like to do that quite a bit around the New Year. I picked it up from a good friend. I contact my favorite people, especially friends who live further away, and so on, and make plans with them for the coming year, saying, okay, let’s block out one, two, three dates in the calendar.

Set aside time for loved ones

Then they’re simply fixed, then they’re firmly established. Those milestones become things I can look forward to. Then no client meeting or event is scheduled there, and automatically all the sand and pebbles underneath fall into place. And that, if you actually follow through with it, can be life-changing. Absolutely, I definitely believe that. Perhaps just a very brief observation. My mother-in-law is watching. Of course, she’s a big rock for me.

I welcome you here. That was a very good, lighthearted touch. No, great. I also wanted to talk about gratitude again. For me personally, it’s become clear over the last few years that it’s an incredibly important topic. Because I’ve noticed that over time I’ve become somewhat ungrateful for the things that, let’s say, one should actually be more grateful for.

Gratitude as a daily routine

Then, quite by chance, I saw an online video with a great tip on how to be more grateful. I actually decided to try it. Specifically, I’d check my calendar entry every morning and evening—it would pop up—and take two minutes to think about what I’m grateful for. And I was like, okay, I’ll give it a try. I didn’t really believe it at first, but I knew I had to do something. So I started by checking my calendar first thing in the morning, right after getting up, and again briefly before going to sleep in the evening.

I thought about it for two or three minutes. At first, the usual things came to mind. Yes, health, having a roof over my head. But at some point, my brain says, “This is getting boring, try picking out some more specific things.” And then I realized that over time I’ve become more grateful for even the smallest things. For example, that the coffee tasted so good today. Or that the blanket at home is so soft against my skin and helps me fall asleep so easily. And that’s when I internalized just how important gratitude really is.

And that you can truly be grateful for everything that happens in life. Even, to some extent, for—I don’t want to say—extremely bad events. But sometimes there are events that you don’t initially perceive as positive. But then you’re grateful that they happened because you’ve perhaps gained a new perspective. Exactly. In terms of perspective, such stumbling blocks can sometimes be very helpful. Exactly. What does gratitude mean to you? In positive psychology, it’s also a so-called mega-strategy because, as you said, it really always works.

Mindfulness for small moments of happiness

No matter how bleak everything is out there right now, you can always find those little moments where you can pause and say, “Well, at least this is nice. I’m grateful for that. It’s not something to take for granted. It does me good.” And that goes hand in hand with mindfulness. You wouldn’t even notice that soft blanket and that delicious coffee if you weren’t fully present in the moment. And that, in a positive sense, is a kind of—what’s the positive term for—a vicious cycle?

A vicious cycle. It just keeps growing once you start concentrating and focusing in that direction. “Energy flows for attention,” as the saying goes. And I’ve noticed this myself during research; once you start collecting beautiful things, they suddenly pop up everywhere and confront you. Your senses are sharpened in a completely different way, your feelers are outstretched. And that’s the beauty of it. Eventually, two minutes in the morning and evening aren’t enough anymore because the list suddenly becomes so long.

And gratitude is also incredibly interesting because it can take many different forms. Some people express gratitude quietly, taking a mindful moment for themselves to reflect on these things. You might have recorded them digitally somewhere, others might create a pinboard, still others keep a diary, or perhaps have a WhatsApp group with friends where they share these insights. This classic gratitude journal is also really good and important.

Express gratitude outwards

And I know many people who initially raised their eyebrows at the idea of ​​starting a diary, asking, “Should I really start writing one?” “Yes, give it a try. Let’s see what happens.” It’s about becoming clear to yourself about all the beautiful and good things in life. There we are again with perception, with the saber-toothed tiger, and so on and so forth. What’s absolutely essential for me here—you remember from the beginning—and what always puts me in a good mood, even on really gray days, is expressing gratitude.

That means taking two seconds to tell the supermarket cashier that what she’s doing is truly remarkable, how wonderfully she’s handling her job, and thanking her for being so friendly despite the stress. It’s also about thanking your partner for the seemingly self-evident things in everyday life. Thank you for taking care of the defiant child today. My energy levels just couldn’t handle it. These are all things that often get lost in the hustle and bustle of a stressful daily routine.

And if we take the time to express and articulate them, then we’re really, really investing in our social network, and that comes back to us. It’s not entirely selfless. Absolutely. Yes, very well said. I also thought that in that context, you suggested a diet in the book, “Complaining Fasting.” I thought that was pretty cool, to be honest, because I sometimes catch myself just complaining and then I think to myself, no, come on, you’re not enjoying this at all.

Complaint fasting and the ALI method

So, I also don’t like being around people who are constantly complaining, everything is negative, and so on. So I also adopted the “complaining fast.” And the ALI method—breathing, smiling, pausing—it works. Just before you’re about to snap, you simply do this breathing, smiling, pausing, and you’re already more relaxed. I found that incredibly helpful. I was able to do it at any time of day or night. Exactly, exactly. So, there are many, many great things in this book. And Gina, I know that pre-Christmas stress is looming.

I don’t want to take up too much of your time. So, before I ask the last question, I have one more: where can people find you online if they want to follow you? What’s the best way to get in touch with you? Well, I think the main point of contact is the website ministeriumfuerglueck.de. There you can find pretty much all the information about what my team and I do all day long. Of course, we’re also very active on social media channels like Instagram and Facebook. And there’s the podcast, “Das kleine Glück” (The Little Happiness).

It’s just been revived. It had a bit of an extended summer break because I and we had so much going on this year. I had to re-prioritize a bit. But it’s starting to get new episodes online again. Yeah, so who knows where we’ll end up in the future. We’re always coming up with new ideas. But these are the main places, I’d say. That’s great. So I can definitely recommend following Gina to anyone who’s looking for a daily dose of happiness.

Gina’s personal philosophy of life

Okay, let’s move on to the last question I ask every guest. I always delve into the topic of mindset within the podcast, and I naturally want to know from my guests which mindset has had the biggest and most positive influence on their lives. I don’t even know if I’d want to reduce it to a single mindset. You mean a kind of outlook on life, a philosophy of life? Right, exactly. Something like that. Exactly. I’m a born and bred Monomer. Accordingly, I kind of have this motto in my blood: don’t talk, do.

So, I’m a real go-getter. I’m very impatient. I’m stubborn. Those are all qualities that, I think, describe me pretty well, if I’m honest with myself. Along with that comes a motto my parents instilled in me: “Can’t” isn’t in my vocabulary. Which means, if you have ideas, if you have visions, if you have dreams—and they can even be crazy, a little unconventional, and outside the norm—then go for it and try. There’s no guarantee it will work, but you’ll regret it for the rest of your life if you haven’t tried certain things.

Try it out and also let it go.

This “what if?” mentality, I think that drives everyone crazy sooner or later, and accordingly, this motto “it can’t be done” doesn’t exist. Just try it, give it your best shot, and see how you can bring to life what you’re truly passionate about. That’s actually how the ministry came about. Of course, there are things in life that don’t work out, but you have to have the courage to accept them. I think courage is a big theme for me, too. I’m letting that go now.

Trying something different means following my own path and going with the flow. I’m not the kind of person who has wall decals and some kind of life motto tattooed on their face for all eternity. I’m very impulsive and very intuitive, and accordingly, I don’t make annual plans. Neither business plans nor New Year’s resolutions are part of my approach. I really don’t do any of that stuff. I try to regularly take time for reflection, to listen to my inner voice and see what I need right now.

Where is the lightness right now? What do I enjoy? Who do I want to surround myself with? And then I try to do that. Sometimes it works well. Sometimes it doesn’t. And then I’m happy to move on. I believe this mindset makes the best of things and ensures that you and those around you are doing well. And life is change. So always, in all areas of life. Don’t get too stuck on autopilot, clinging to things, but rather give this dynamic some space.

Happiness as an important life theme

That’s really important to me. Although I also really appreciate security and a cozy home. I don’t know if that was the answer to your question, but I think you got a bit of a sense of how I approach this. Yes, yes, yes, yes. So, I’ve noticed that your mindset is made up of many individual parts or life principles that come together. So, thank you so much. Thank you so much for your time, Gina. I found it incredibly informative. I think the topic of happiness isn’t a high priority for many people in life.

Conclusion: Give happiness space

But I hope our listeners took away the message that happiness should be a high priority. It’s the foundation of everything. I always say it rather flippantly, but many people, especially in business, think, “Yeah, that’s nice to have. We’ll take care of that when we have enough time.” But it’s truly important in both our personal and professional lives. It’s essential to ask ourselves these questions and, above all, to search for the answers, because everything else is built on that. Otherwise, it’s a very unstable house of cards, which for many people will sooner or later start to wobble or even collapse.

And therefore, yes, it’s better to ask these questions sooner rather than later. Thank you so much for your closing remarks. Thank you a thousand times, Gina. You’re welcome. See you again soon. Thank you so much. Thank you. Bye.