You Are NOT Your Fear: Understanding Self-Doubt and Your Inner Critic
The inner critic and self-doubt: Reza Mehman explains why he does not see fear, shame or self-doubt as his identity, and shares a simple, rational approach he uses to deal with his inner critic. Includes an honest account of his failed startup.
The inner critic: Reza’s personal experience
Reza Mehman had a successful startup, then had to face its failure in public. His inner critic became brutally loud. His way forward was to stop seeing fear and shame as part of his identity. Instead, he understood them as what he calls “inner chemistry”. In his experience, exercise, food and good conversations helped him change how he felt. His message: “You are not the fear you feel inside.”
Summary
In one sentence: Reza explains why he separates fear and self-doubt from his identity, and how he changes what he calls his inner chemistry.
In three sentences: Reza had a successful startup whose failure he had to face publicly. His inner critic became brutally loud, bringing shame, self-doubt and fear. His realisation was: “You are not the fear you feel inside” — he views feelings as inner chemistry that he can influence.
In five sentences: Reza had a successful startup, Full-Control-GmbH, whose achievements attracted public attention. When he had to close it, the failure was public too, and his inner critic became brutally loud. He came to see fear, shame and self-doubt as inner chemistry rather than parts of his identity. In his experience, exercise, food and good conversations helped him change that state. His message is: “You are not the fear you feel inside.”
Context: who, what and why
Who is speaking: Reza Mehman in a solo mindset talk.
What it is about: The inner critic, fear, shame and Reza’s personal approach to changing what he calls his inner chemistry.
Why it matters: Many people identify with their fears and self-doubt. Reza describes how questioning that identification and taking a rational perspective helped him.
Three central themes:
- The story: a startup’s public failure and a loud inner critic.
- The realisation: feelings as inner chemistry rather than identity.
- His approach: exercise, food and good conversations to influence his emotional state.
Contents
- Introduction
- Summary
- Context
- Themes and perspective
- Key takeaways
- Frequently asked questions
- Highlights in quotes
- Full published talk
- Keywords
- Names and terms
- Quotable passage
Themes and perspective
1. The story: failing in public
Reza founded Full-Control-GmbH, an app startup whose early success received public recognition. When he had to close it, the failure was public too. His inner critic became brutally loud, bringing shame, self-doubt and fear.
Keywords: Full-Control-GmbH, startup, failure, shame, public attention
2. The realisation: feelings as inner chemistry
Reza came to view fear, shame and self-doubt as inner chemistry rather than parts of his identity. He uses the way drugs affect feelings as an analogy for his belief that behaviour can influence his emotional state.
Keywords: inner chemistry, identity, fear, shame, drugs
3. His approach: changing his emotional state
Reza says: “I can change this state of mind very easily by getting moving, eating differently or having a good conversation.” Exercise, food and good conversations are the tools he describes.
Keywords: exercise, nutrition, conversations, state of mind, change
Key takeaways
- Reza ran Full-Control-GmbH, a startup whose early success and eventual failure were public.
- The public failure made his inner critic brutally loud.
- He separates fear, shame and self-doubt from his identity, describing them as inner chemistry.
- Reza says: “You are not the fear you feel inside.”
- He describes exercise, food and good conversations as ways to influence his emotional state.
- He says: “There has not been a single hard training session after which I did not feel good.”
- His message: “Do not listen to your inner voice. Reduce it to what it actually is — simply inner chemistry.”
- Since taking this perspective to heart, he feels more relaxed when his inner critic gets loud.
Frequently asked questions
What does “you are not your fear” mean?
Reza’s point is that fear, shame and self-doubt do not define his identity. He describes them as inner chemistry: a temporary state that he can influence through exercise, food or good conversations. In his words, you are not the feeling you have inside.
How does Reza change his “inner chemistry”?
Reza describes exercise, better nutrition and good conversations as his tools. He says he has never felt bad after a training session and sees these activities as ways of changing his state of mind: “I can change this state of mind very easily by getting moving.”
What is the inner critic?
The inner critic is the internal voice that talks you out of things you intend to do. Sometimes it is brutally loud; sometimes it is quiet. Reza’s perspective is that this voice is not necessarily the truth. He describes it as inner chemistry and focuses on how he responds to it.
Highlights in quotes
“You are not the fear you feel inside. Nor are you the shame you feel inside. That feeling is simply inner chemistry happening.”
— Reza Mehman
“I can change this state of mind very easily by getting moving, eating differently or having a good conversation.”
— Reza Mehman
“Do not listen to your inner voice. Reduce it to what it actually is — simply inner chemistry.”
— Reza Mehman
“Since I took that to heart, I have felt much more relaxed when my inner voice gets extremely loud.”
— Reza Mehman
Full published talk
Introduction: the inner critic
Reza Mehman:
Hi everyone, and welcome to Project Mindset, the channel for everyone who knows that anything is possible with the right mindset. In today’s podcast episode, I want to talk about the inner critic and how I personally deal with it. Sometimes my inner critic is brutally loud and tries to talk me out of everything I am planning to do. At other times it is quiet and does not comment at all. Sometimes it is somewhere in the middle and just says: hey, what you are doing right now is very uncomfortable. It is even a little embarrassing, that feeling of shame in front of other people.
The story: a startup’s public failure
Reza Mehman:
A few years ago, I founded a company, a startup called Full-Control-GmbH. We were very successful at the beginning and quickly hired a few people. We worked in app development. Something I noticed back then was that my company’s successes were very public because of social media and so on. A lot of people found out very quickly: wow, Reza has founded a startup, and it is doing really well. I was invited to events to give keynotes. I was even invited onto various radio stations at the time. Newspapers reported on me too.
Reza Mehman:
The downside came after a few years. I had made a few wrong decisions. After those decisions, I eventually decided to close the company. Just as the successes had been public, so was the failure, the decline, the closure of the company. In other words, my failure was public too. That made my inner critic brutally loud. I noticed a kind of shame hanging over me for a very, very, very long time.
The realisation: feelings as inner chemistry
Reza Mehman:
A quick disclaimer: I am absolutely against drugs. I do not take drugs either. Everyone who knows me knows that. But from many accounts, and of course from research, I also know that drugs have an extreme influence on how I feel. That means everything we feel inside can be controlled through the chemistry happening within us. If we reduce it to that, then when we have a moment in which our inner voice is brutally loud, when we tell ourselves, you do not really feel like doing this, you do not really want to do this, you will not manage it, you cannot do it, or whatever else, we need to tell ourselves: I can change this state of mind very easily by getting moving, eating differently or having a good conversation.
You are not your fear
Reza Mehman:
Here is the important part: you are not that feeling you have inside. You are not the fear you feel inside. Nor are you the shame you feel inside. You are not that feeling. That feeling is simply inner chemistry happening. In that moment, this inner chemistry steers you. But the wonderful thing is that I can influence how I feel and how I deal with that inner voice. To be honest, that reassures me enormously. Since I took that to heart, I have felt much more relaxed when my inner voice gets extremely loud and tries to talk me out of something. I know that I have influence over how I deal with that inner voice.
Reza Mehman:
If you want to do me a favour, do not listen to your inner voice. Reduce it to what it actually is: simply inner chemistry. Deal with it. Change your inner chemistry by doing a workout, eating differently, having good conversations, and so on. Then the world already looks different.
Keywords
Tags: inner critic, fear, shame, self-doubt, inner chemistry, mindset, Full-Control-GmbH, startup, Reza Mehman, Project Mindset
Names and terms
Reza Mehman, Full-Control-GmbH, inner critic, inner chemistry, fear, shame, self-doubt, mindset, Project Mindset
Quotable passage
Reza Mehman: “You are not the fear you feel inside.”
“That feeling is simply inner chemistry happening.”
“I can change this state of mind very easily by getting moving.”
“Do not listen to your inner voice. Reduce it to what it actually is — simply inner chemistry.”
For another personal perspective, read episode 151 about the Wall of Confidence.
