132. Tradwives: A Dangerous Trend or a Free Choice?

Reza Mehman: I could hardly believe what I read on ZDF online: that the tradwife trend — traditional wives — is a dangerous social-media trend for our society. To quote the article: cooking and baking are central to tradwives’ lives. Everything is made from scratch using fresh ingredients. They also give tips for married life and spend almost all their time in their homes. Their husbands are the ones who work for an income.

Honestly, I am surprised that something like this can be a dangerous trend, or is supposed to be one according to ZDF. They also write that it embodies racist patterns, expresses a particular form of white supremacy in the United States and promotes a backward-looking worldview.

I think we should talk about this. I think these statements go much too far. That is exactly what I am discussing in today’s podcast. Hi everyone, and welcome to Project Mindset, the channel for everyone who knows that anything is possible with the right mindset.

What the Tradwife Trend Is About

As I said at the start, I am very surprised that ZDF takes up this subject and portrays it so negatively. After reading the article, I followed the trend a little on Instagram myself. It involves female influencers, mainly on Instagram, presenting a traditional female role that may have been common some years ago. The woman stays at home, takes care of cooking and baking, and looks after the children. The man goes to work. These influencers simply present that image on Instagram.

So far, so good. What really surprises me is that ZDF, or the author, tries to explain why this tradwife social-media trend is supposedly dangerous for our society. Among other things, they say these tradwives share certain characteristics: they are almost all white, come from Christian fundamentalist circles and promote traditional gender and family roles. The man’s paid work is enough to support the family.

The supposed problem is that, within this model, the woman is subordinate to the man. It is described as a backward-looking worldview and, above all, not inclusive. In other words, families that cannot afford for the woman to stay at home — that lack the financial means for her to care for the children, cook, bake and so on — are excluded as groups within society.

Reza’s Impression of the Videos

I have to say I am extremely surprised. I looked at these so-called tradwives, traditional wives, on Instagram. What I saw felt like fairly ordinary photographs and videos of baking. I have to admit, it was quite calming in today’s world, where everything is full of highlights, action, wonderful holidays on Instagram and so on. You see sporting activities, holidays, great parties and all the rest. In that context, it was somehow calming to watch someone cooking and baking.

It is not something I normally do. But in this case, it genuinely had a calming quality. I am surprised that the author reaches such extreme conclusions, suggesting that the images being created even contain racist patterns.

Reading out the whole text is not my intention. I will link it in the comments below. But I have to say: either I am completely out of touch with reality and cannot see this dangerous trend unfolding, or ZDF is out of touch with reality here.

The Role of Public-Service Media

I really have to say that I am actually a big fan of public-service broadcasters. I know they do not have many fans, but I am one of them. There are reasons for that. I am convinced that, particularly with artificial intelligence and deepfakes, we need institutions that can work completely independently — independent of advertising income and of certain political influences.

In democracies like ours, I believe we need institutions that present news independently and without opinion, and really check whether what is happening around the world is true. I think deepfakes will cause many problems sooner or later, particularly on social media. Media that can inform us independently and without judgement are therefore extremely important for the survival of our democracy.

So I personally have no problem paying a contribution. We all know the GEZ fees, and I am fine with them. Honestly, I think they are a little too high. But I am happy to pay so that we can continue receiving neutral news from broadcasters independently of advertising income and so on.

A Personal Encounter

So far, so good. What I do not understand is why ZDF is trying to frame this particular subject in this way. Recently, I also saw an acquaintance I had not met for a long time, a good family friend. She told me that she now had her second child. After giving up her hair salon, she had decided to stay at home.

She had her own salon, and it was doing quite well. But after many stressful years with a lot of work, she simply wanted to take some time to stay at home and look after her children. They agreed that her husband would work and become the family’s sole earner. I thought that was great. It was her free decision, and I thought it was wonderful that they could afford it financially.

The Financial Scope for Different Family Roles

Especially nowadays, everything feels very expensive to me. I have seen how things have developed. I have been around for a few years and can compare what something cost ten or fifteen years ago with what it costs today. We also have many ways to spend money now, through subscriptions, for example. I know not everyone can afford for one spouse to stay at home. In this case, the woman says: I want to concentrate on the children, and you, my dear husband, will go to work. I even find it admirable when someone makes that decision and follows through with it.

What I do not understand is ZDF saying that these influencers who publicly present this role on social media share certain characteristics in the United States. They are almost all white, with white skin. They come from Christian fundamentalist circles and promote traditional gender and family roles. The man’s income is enough to support the family.

Arguments in the article

The problem, or supposed problem, is that certain groups are not included, such as people who cannot afford it financially. Another concern is that, in this model, women clearly subordinate themselves to men. To quote the article, the trend opposes any social change and preserves a narrow, backward-looking worldview. There is no room for alternative family models, such as LGBTQ+ families, families without children or lower earners, because they cannot afford this lifestyle.

Of course, I do not want to read the entire article. I will link it in the comments below. What I do not understand at all is why this is supposed to be dangerous, or how that conclusion is reached. A professor who apparently researched this for a long time also contributes to the article. But after reading it, the idea that there could be these extreme forms of exclusion leaves me completely baffled.

I would argue quite differently if someone, as an individual, embraced the trend. One thing I did not understand clearly from the article is whether it is specifically about influencers on social media, or whether the trend is supposedly dangerous in society generally. That was not clear to me. Perhaps you could read the article and explain it in the comments below. I assume both are meant.

Social Media and Reality

But if we look at the influencers posting this material — and I really did look at it online — I did not see anything extreme or extremist. I also tried to see whether there was anything that could actually be interpreted as racist. I saw nothing of the kind, at least on the accounts I examined closely.

Then something occurred to me that ZDF seems to forget or underestimate entirely. First of all, this is social media. We all know social media is not necessarily reality. People present particular roles to the outside world. That is not limited to tradwives. Other people present all kinds of roles, as would-be multimillionaires or whatever else. By now, we know we cannot believe everything we see online. I do not understand why ZDF singles out tradwives so strongly as dangerous. I have seen far more dangerous content.

Experiences With Online Reactions

I can give an example from my own life. In a recent podcast, as listeners may remember, I criticised Elon Musk a little. In an interview, he had joked about why no one thinks of carrying out an assassination attempt against Kamala Harris. Honestly, I did not find joking about assassination attempts funny. Nor do I find the attempt or two against Trump funny. I simply do not think you make jokes about that.

The intensely negative comments, insults and racist remarks I then received were crazy to me. They came from people who wanted to jump to Elon Musk’s defence. I thought: wow, that is what I personally find dangerous, rather than an article or a social-media trend where people simply present certain roles.

I also think ZDF forgets that these people consciously choose to appear as tradwives. As influencers and content creators, they can turn that into a business of their own.

Content as a Business Model

Over recent years, I have noticed what audience reach can make possible. Someone consciously decides to create content and posts not just once a week but every day. The large tradwife accounts I looked at have hundreds of thousands or even millions of followers.

Interestingly, I have a good acquaintance who also regularly posts cooking and baking videos on social media. Companies bombard her with free products and ask whether she could post about them or mention them in a story. Some offer money as well. It has become a business in its own right.

So when ZDF writes that the woman submits and subordinates herself to the man, and he is the only person earning a living, I think that misses reality. Someone with a large following on social media is not necessarily doing it just for fun. In my view, it is a serious business, and it takes a lot of work. ZDF, or the author, apparently fails to recognise that.

Why Calm Videos Can Appeal

Another thing I noticed, which I think ZDF also overlooks, is why these videos might be popular. Most of them are fairly calm, with a positive atmosphere and good vibes. Someone calmly cooks or bakes, with relaxing music in the background.

I can see why they appeal today, when attention is one of our most precious resources. Everything competes for it: social media, television, streaming platforms and so on. Simply sitting down to watch a calm three-minute video of someone baking had a soothing effect even on me. I am not a big fan of these kinds of videos, but I have to admit that, while researching this, I found them calming.

Here is perhaps a funny anecdote. I have no idea why gardening videos sometimes appear in my feed, showing someone clearing all the weeds from a street and so on. I watched one or two because they were genuinely very calming. Since then, I have been shown them more often.

Conscious Choices by Creators and Viewers

What I am getting at is that I think ZDF goes too far in calling this trend dangerous in some way. The creators consciously choose to make this content because they can earn good money from it. Viewers also deliberately choose to watch, perhaps because it is calming, because they learn something or because they are simply entertained in the moment.

My conclusion is this: I am actually a big fan of public-service broadcasters. What they do is extremely important, particularly today, with artificial intelligence making fakes so easy to produce. You can see a politician whose lip movements and voice have been imitated, putting false statements into the world. That makes institutions such as Germany’s ARD, ZDF and the others incredibly important. They should report facts independently of money, advertising income and other influences, without judgement or opinion. And, as I also find important, without imposing a particular frame.

Reza’s Criticism of the Framing

What particularly bothers me about this article is the complete framing it imposes: this is inherently bad; it is dangerous for our society. There is no pause to think: let us take a step back. This is social media. It is online, and we all know the online world is partly a constructed, fake world. I think we are all old enough to understand that.

I also do not think anyone is being excluded here in the way the article claims certain groups are excluded. Quite the opposite: I think the article itself excludes creators who simply want to do something for themselves, or who have found a way to earn money and stand on their own feet. I find that more plausible than the conclusions ZDF claims it can draw.

What is your opinion? I would be very interested. Am I the only one who thinks ZDF has gone too far, or do you feel the same? I would really like to know. We will speak again soon, and remember: your mindset is everything.