Having Children or Not: Have We Become Too Selfish?
Having children or not? Reza Mehman asks whether the decision against children often has selfish motives and reflects on what really matters in life.
Originally published on 5 November 2024. This episode presents Reza’s personal views as a father. All published conversation passages are translated below, including the interview excerpt he discusses.
Having Children or Not: A Personal Perspective
Having children or not is one of the most important decisions we make in life. In this episode of Project Mindset, Reza Mehman talks openly about why more people are deciding against children and asks whether selfish motives often lie behind that choice. Prompted by a conversation with an acquaintance and an interview with actor John Cena, Reza questions the biological purpose of our lives. He shares his experience as a father and explains why, for him, no holiday can replace the feeling of his children greeting him excitedly in the evening. At the same time, he emphasises that he respects every opinion, while finding it problematic to make this decision without the experience of parenthood. Falling birth rates and questions about loneliness in later life give the topic added relevance.
Summary
In one sentence: Reza Mehman questions whether deciding against children often involves selfish motives and argues that no other experience can replace the feeling of having children of your own.
In three sentences: Reasons for deciding against children often include less free time, greater costs and reduced flexibility. Reza asks whether these are all selfish reasons and what the biological purpose of our lives is. He emphasises that, in his view, the experience of having children cannot be replaced, and questions making this choice without having experienced parenthood.
In five sentences: Reza Mehman addresses a sensitive subject: why are more people deciding against children? A conversation with an acquaintance and an interview with John Cena prompt him to examine common reasons for not becoming a parent. He argues that reproduction is life’s biological purpose and worries about loneliness in old age when no one is left around you. Drawing on his own experience, he describes the indescribable feeling of his children greeting him happily after a long day. He respects each person’s decision, while criticising the way many judge parenthood without having experienced it themselves.
Context: Who, What and Why
Who is speaking: Reza Mehman, host of Project Mindset, father and entrepreneur, reflecting openly on personal life choices.
What this is about: Whether deciding against children is often shaped by selfish motives. Reza refers to a conversation with an acquaintance, an interview with John Cena and his own experience as a father.
Why it matters: The episode connects falling birth rates, the conscious decision to remain child-free and concerns about loneliness in old age. The subject has social, philosophical and personal dimensions.
Three central questions:
- Are reasons for not having children ultimately selfish?
- What is the biological and philosophical purpose of our lives?
- Can you make an informed decision against children without experiencing parenthood?
Contents
- Introduction — What this episode is about
- Summary — The central message
- Context — Background and relevance
- Themes and perspective — Main topics
- Key takeaways — Central arguments
- Frequently asked questions — Answers to key questions
- Highlight quotes — Memorable statements
- Transcript — All published conversation passages
- Keywords — Relevant search terms
- Names and terms — Key references
- Quotable passage — For sharing and quoting
Themes and Perspective
1. Selfishness and Choosing Not to Have Children
Reza asks whether reasons such as less free time, high costs and reduced freedom to travel are ultimately selfish motives for deciding against children.
Keywords: selfishness and childlessness, reasons against children, child-free by choice
2. The Biological Purpose of Life
The episode raises a question about human existence: is reproduction the primary biological reason we are on Earth?
Keywords: biological purpose of life, human reproduction, life’s purpose
3. Falling Birth Rates and Social Change
Reza considers whether falling birth rates might indicate that society as a whole has become more selfish.
Keywords: falling birth rates, selfishness in society, demographic change
4. Loneliness in Later Life
Reza warns that people without children could become lonely in old age when friends and relatives are no longer around.
Keywords: loneliness in old age, ageing without children, social isolation
5. The Unique Experience of Parenthood
Drawing on personal experience, Reza describes why no holiday or leisure activity can replace the feeling his children give him.
Keywords: experiencing parenthood, happiness through children, becoming a father
Key Takeaways: Reza’s Perspective
- He sees most reasons for not having children as selfish at their core: less free time, high costs and fewer holidays.
- He views reproduction as humanity’s biological purpose and asks what gives life meaning when someone consciously decides against it.
- For him, no holiday, leisure activity or other experience can replace the feeling children give their parents.
- He questions decisions against children made without experiencing parenthood, regarding them as insufficiently informed.
- One of his worries is that people without children could become lonely later in life, with no one to look after them.
- He asks whether falling birth rates could signal increasing selfishness in society.
- Work achievements such as PowerPoint presentations and Excel files are temporary, while memories of encounters with family remain.
- In his view, using children’s carbon footprint as a reason not to have them calls one’s own life into question.
- Everyone should be free to decide whether to have children, but Reza argues that the choice should be considered rather than driven purely by convenience.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why are more people choosing not to have children?
According to Reza, many decide against children because they would have less free time, face greater costs, lose freedom to travel or prefer a comfortable lifestyle. He regards these reasons as predominantly selfish.
Is deciding not to have children selfish?
Reza argues that most reasons against children centre on personal comfort and therefore have a selfish element. Although he respects every opinion, he questions making the decision without having experienced parenthood.
What does Reza see as life’s biological purpose?
Reza sees reproduction as the primary biological purpose of life. He believes nature intends humans to reproduce and sees few other reasons for our presence on Earth.
Why does John Cena say he does not want children?
In the interview discussed here, Cena explains that he is not prepared to invest the time needed to be a great father because he wants to experience life fully. He and his wife share these values and have discussed the subject openly.
Could people without children become lonely in old age?
Reza raises the possibility of loneliness in later life. When friends and relatives are no longer around, he worries there may be no one to check in regularly, visit or simply call.
Can you decide against children without having experienced parenthood?
Reza finds this problematic. From outside, he argues, people see the stress and responsibility but do not know the indescribable happiness that children of their own can bring.
Why have birth rates fallen in recent years?
Reza interprets declining birth rates as a possible sign of increasing selfishness in society. His argument is that comfort, freedom and individual fulfilment are increasingly prioritised over starting a family.
What makes parenthood so special for Reza?
He describes his children greeting him happily after a long working day as a unique feeling that nothing else can replace. For him, no holiday or leisure activity can reproduce that happiness.
Highlight Quotes
“Having children is one of the most important decisions we make in life. But what I ask myself is: aren’t these all very selfish reasons?”
— Reza Mehman
“What is the biological reason we are here on Earth? I think it is clear to everyone: to reproduce.”
— Reza Mehman
“I believe no holiday or leisure activity in the world can recreate the feeling you get when, for example, you come home after a long working day and your children run towards you.”
— Reza Mehman
“You make the decision without having had the experience. Like my friend, you might see other families and think it looks a little more stressful, but he has never had the experience himself.”
— Reza Mehman
“I have worked on so many things in my life: PowerPoint presentations, Excel files. In a way, none of that really matters. What you always remember is the time you spent with family, especially your children.”
— Reza Mehman
“Have we perhaps all become a little more selfish as a society?”
— Reza Mehman
“If you think long term, before we all end up lonely, at least there is someone who regularly looks after me, is there for me and simply asks how I am.”
— Reza Mehman
The Published Conversation
Reza Mehman: Having children is one of the most important decisions we make in life. Usually, that decision also means having less free time. Children cost a lot, you have fewer holidays, and you cannot always travel whenever you want. There are many reasons why someone might decide against children. I can understand anyone who says they do not want children. But what I ask myself is: aren’t these all very selfish reasons?
Birth rates have also fallen sharply in recent years. And I wonder whether we have perhaps all become a little more selfish as a society. That is what I want to discuss with you in today’s podcast. Hi everyone, and welcome to Project Mindset, the channel for everyone who knows that anything is possible with the right mindset. Today’s subject is, of course, a little sensitive. I think everyone has to decide for themselves why they do or do not want children.
I made my own decision a long time ago. What brought me to today’s topic, though, was recently meeting an acquaintance I had not seen for a long time. We had a fairly detailed conversation, and he explained why he did not want children. I will return to that in a moment. The other thing is that, a while ago, I watched a podcast with John Cena. I found that very interesting too.
The John Cena Interview Mentioned in the Episode
Reza Mehman: He is an actor and wrestler. In the clip I am about to play, he also explains why he does not want children. Let me show you that scene first.
Translation note: the following is a smoothed translation of the excerpt contained in the German article, not a claim to reproduce the original English word for word. The German automatic transcript contains obvious errors. Unclear expressions were checked against the Club Shay Shay episode with John Cena, Part 2, from 21 August 2024, around 29:36–32:46.
John Cena, interview excerpt: A large part of why we are here is to reproduce. I am curious about life, but I also understand the commitment involved. My greatest concern is that I am a driven person who can often be stubborn and selfish. I try to engage with the world kindly and with curiosity. But I do not believe I am personally ready — or ever will be — to put in the time required to be a great parent.
I want to experience everything life has to offer. There is still a lot I have to do, and a lot I want to do. I have a wonderful partner to share it with. We have talked openly about this and share the same values. It is a difficult subject because people immediately put you in a category. We cannot help judging; that is human nature, and we all do it. I would like to think that I work from the principle that everyone should be allowed to live their own life.
Long-Term Thoughts About Family Life
John Cena: I can tell you this is not an impulsive reaction. I have thought about it very carefully for a long time. I remember thinking about it when I was as young as fifteen or sixteen. My views have only become uncertain during emotionally difficult periods. I am very happy with my position. My life gives me a great deal of happiness and fulfilment, and that is where I stand.
Interviewer: Was that a difficult conversation to have with your wife?
John Cena: No, actually. I have learned from every situation, and from my past.
Interviewer: You had a reality show, didn’t you?
John Cena: I did, and it was — oh man. No, no, again, I do not regret it. I remember it fondly because it really showed me who I was. When I began, I fell off the bike, so to speak. That is okay. I love love. It is time to get back up and find it again. During that process, I started with the uncomfortable conversations. Those were first- and second-date questions with the woman who is now my wife.
Yes, and it was great because we both had to face those awkward moments and address these things. We have now created a foundation where, whenever something is bothering one of us, no subject is excluded. Of course, neither of us is perfect. We disagree, but we deal with it immediately. Nothing is so uncomfortable that we cannot discuss it. That starts with questions like: how do you picture family life? How do we define our family? What makes you happy?
Shared Expectations in a Relationship
John Cena: Is that a need you have to fulfil? Those discussions helped both of us, personally, to build a shared path as a team.
Interviewer: You turn up thinking this could be the shortest date ever: where do you stand?
John Cena: But I believe there is someone for everyone. Yes, we can see that from the world around us. There are so many different people, which I think is beautiful because it can lead to love and connection. That is a good thing. My takeaway is that, if you feel alone, you are not.
Reza’s Response to the Interview
John Cena: Finding someone with the same values may be difficult, but those people do exist.
Reza Mehman: So far, so good. That was the clip with John Cena. Honestly, I can understand him. But to me, it sounded a little too selfish. It was much like the conversation with my friend some time ago. He also explained why he did not want children: he would probably have to give up holidays, children cost a lot, and he would no longer be able to sleep in.
Of course, he said all that partly as a joke. But there was a substantial amount of honesty in it too. What I then asked him was: what is the biological reason we are here on Earth? I think it is clear to everyone: to reproduce. I believe nature intends us to reproduce here in the world. He acknowledged that too. Then I said: if you do not do that — if you are able to, but choose not to — what then?
Reza’s Question About the Meaning of Life
If you are unable to, you can also adopt children. But suppose you are able to reproduce and do not. What, then, gives your life meaning? Of course, this becomes a little philosophical. You might say it is about fulfilling your potential and experiencing life to the full. But the question is: suppose I take every holiday I planned and have every experience I wanted in my life.
Then, in the end, I am older — eighty years old — sitting there alone. My friends, relatives or whoever else may no longer be around. And I no longer have anyone who visits, whether at Christmas or during the week, or someone I can simply call. That is why I do see a reason — perhaps even a selfish reason — to say: actually, having children might not be such a bad idea.
Thoughts About Family and Growing Older
If we think long term, before we all end up lonely, at least there is someone who regularly looks after me, is there for me and simply asks how I am. For me, that is another reason alongside the biological one. Personally, I really do see very few reasons why we are here on Earth other than reproduction. I also like to give this example: I have worked on so many things in my life — PowerPoint presentations, Excel files and so on.
And, in a way, none of those things really matters. Ultimately, in two months no one remembers what I did at work two months earlier, or how important or unimportant it was. What you always remember is the time you spent with other people, especially family members and especially your children. I can absolutely vouch for this, even if it sounds a little sentimental. I believe no holiday, leisure activity or anything else in the world can recreate the feeling you have when, in my case, you come home after a long working day and your children run towards you, hug you, kiss you and start talking.
Personal Experiences as a Father
I am one hundred per cent sure that you cannot recreate that feeling with other things in life, holidays, fun or experiences that might be very interesting at the time. A feeling like that cannot, in my view, be recreated. I also believe nature intends us to feel this way about our own children, for example. There is nothing more beautiful than seeing someone who is truly delighted that you are there. As for people who say they do not want children, like my friend, I genuinely respect their opinion. I do not want this to sound as though I am saying it is the wrong decision. I really believe everyone should decide as they see fit.
The only thing that bothers me is making the decision without having had the experience. What I mean is this: in my friend’s case, he sees other families. Life with children may sometimes be more stressful, and of course it brings more responsibility. All of that comes with it, and I completely agree with him. But he has never experienced it himself, yet says from the outset: it is too stressful, too expensive, and I do not want it.
Other Reasons for Not Wanting Children
Interestingly, I once heard a different reason from another acquaintance, a more distant acquaintance, for not wanting children. He told me he was very environmentally minded and said children produce too much CO2 — their carbon footprint, in other words. I could not believe he said that. To me, it is absurd because it calls his own life completely into question. Well, that is another subject, I would say. But I find it difficult to reach a decision such as not wanting children because it is stressful, brings too much responsibility and so on, without really knowing what it is like to have them.
Conclusion
Anyway, today’s podcast is a short one. I simply wanted to talk about why people might decide for or against children. My own decision has been made. I think everyone is free to decide as they wish. What I can say, though, is that I believe no holiday or other experience in the world can replace the experience of having children of your own. Thank you for listening. We will speak again soon. Until then, remember: mindset is everything.
The source transcript was generated automatically with Whisper AI and may contain occasional errors. Obvious transcription errors have been smoothed in translation; the interview passage is identified above, and the original’s speaker transitions have been separated for clarity.
Keywords
Tags: having children or not, childlessness, selfishness, falling birth rates, biological purpose of life, loneliness in old age, parenthood, reproduction, John Cena and children, selfishness in society, family planning, Project Mindset, Reza Mehman, child-free by choice, life decisions
Names and Terms
Reza Mehman, Project Mindset, John Cena, birth rate, reproduction, carbon footprint, childlessness, selfishness, family planning, loneliness in later life, biological purpose of life, demographic change
Quotable Passage: The Episode’s Argument
The decision not to have children often rests on selfish motives such as leisure time, money and comfort.
Yet humanity’s biological purpose is reproduction, and no holiday can replace the feeling children give their parents.
Anyone thinking long term should ask: who will still be there in old age when friends and relatives are gone?
Many people decide against children without experiencing parenthood, making their decision on an incomplete basis.
Find more personal conversations on the podcast overview page.
