What happiness means: Why being happy is a choice
Happiness, gratitude and inner balance: a personal reflection on how my understanding of being happy has changed, and why the present moment matters.
Introduction
Happiness is a decision that everyone can consciously make for themselves. In this episode of Project Mindset, Reza Mehman speaks openly about how his own definition of happiness has fundamentally changed over the years. What was once tied to successes, results, and goals is now a conscious inner attitude based on gratitude, balance, and living in the moment. Reza shares personal experiences, including a failed startup that opened his eyes. Inspired by Naval Ravikant’s book “The Almanac,” he discovers a new perspective: happiness as a state of wantlessness and the absence of lack. This episode provides valuable insights for anyone searching for genuine, lasting happiness. Here you’ll learn why you don’t have to wait for external circumstances to be happy.
Happiness: the episode in brief
In one sentence: Happiness is not a consequence of external success, but a conscious inner decision that arises from gratitude, balance, and living in the moment.
In three sentences: Reza Mehman describes how his definition of happiness has shifted from outcome-oriented striving to an inner attitude of gratitude. Inspired by Naval Ravikant’s book “The Almanac,” he recognizes that happiness is a default state that arises when the feeling that something is missing in life disappears. The central insight: Long-term, inner happiness can only be achieved by actively choosing to be happy.
In five sentences: In this episode, Reza Mehman shares his personal journey on the topic of happiness. In his youth, he tied his happiness to successes and goals, until a failed startup plunged him into a deep emotional low. Through the discovery of gratitude and consciously living in the moment, he found a new approach. The book “The Almanac” by Naval Ravikant broadened his perspective with the concept of duality: happiness and unhappiness are interdependent, and true happiness arises in the absence of desires. His conclusion is that external happiness is fleeting, while long-term inner happiness requires a conscious decision.
Context: Who, What, Why
Who is speaking: Reza Mehman, founder and host of the podcast “Project Mindset”, entrepreneur and mindset coach, who shares his personal experiences and insights about personal growth.
What is it about: This episode explores the true meaning of happiness and why it shouldn’t depend on external circumstances. Reza combines personal experiences with book recommendations and philosophical concepts such as duality and desirelessness.
Why is this relevant? In a society that often ties happiness to material success, this episode offers a refreshing alternative. The realization that happiness is an inner choice can be a turning point for everyone.
Three key questions of the episode:
- Why doesn’t the pursuit of external success automatically lead to lasting happiness?
- How can gratitude fundamentally change one’s perception of happiness?
- What does it mean that happiness is a state of desirelessness and the absence of lack?
Table of contents
- Introduction — Overview of the episode and its central message
- Summary — The most important points summarized concisely
- context — Background information on speaker, topic, and relevance
- Topics and classification — The central themes of the episode
- Key messages — Key findings at a glance
- Frequently Asked Questions — Answers to the most important questions about happiness
- Highlight quotes — The most striking statements from the episode
- Transcript — Full transcript of the episode
- Keywords — Relevant search terms and tags
- Names and terms — Important people, works, and concepts
- Quotable passage — Key statement on sharing and quoting
Topics and classification
1. Happiness as an inner decision
Reza argues that happiness is not a product of chance, but a conscious decision that every person can actively make. Those who wait for external circumstances to bring them happiness will ultimately be disappointed.
Keywords: happiness, decision, inner happiness, consciously being happy
2. Gratitude as the key to happiness
The practice of gratitude fundamentally changed Reza’s perspective. The realization that one would give up everything in order to restore one’s current state of health reveals the true value of the present moment.
Keywords: gratitude, living in the moment, appreciation of health
3. Balance in all areas of life
True happiness requires a balance between family, sports, work, and other important areas of life. Those who focus exclusively on one area will not feel fully fulfilled.
Keywords: Work-life balance, areas of life, fulfillment
4. Duality and Desirelessness
Inspired by Naval Ravikant, Reza recognizes that happiness and unhappiness are interdependent. True happiness arises not from positive thoughts alone, but from the absence of desires and the acceptance of one’s current state.
Keywords: Duality, Desirelessness, Naval Ravikant Almanac
5. Personal Transformation Through Failure
Reza’s failed startup was the turning point that led him to redefine his understanding of happiness. From this failure came the realization that happiness should not depend on achieving goals.
Keywords: Learning to fail, personal growth, mindset change
Key messages
- Happiness is a conscious inner decision and not a result of external circumstances or successes.
- Those who tie their happiness to goals and results will never be permanently happy, because new desires will always arise.
- The practice of gratitude shows that the present moment, in which one is healthy and one’s loved ones are healthy, is the most valuable moment of all.
- In a worst-case scenario, one would give up everything material to restore the current state of health. Conversely, the present moment is therefore priceless.
- Happiness requires a balance between different areas of life such as family, sports and work.
- According to Naval Ravikant, happiness is a default state that occurs when the feeling disappears that something is missing in life.
- The concept of duality states: Every positive thought carries the seed for a negative one within it, and vice versa.
- Being free of desires and accepting the current state of affairs leads to inner peace and happiness.
- Anyone who tries to hold onto a happy moment loses it immediately because the mind starts moving again.
- External happiness is fleeting, while long-term inner happiness is a lasting decision.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why is happiness a decision?
Happiness is a choice because it doesn’t arise automatically through external circumstances. You can actively choose to appreciate the present moment, practice gratitude, and change your inner attitude. Without this conscious decision, you remain trapped in an endless cycle of desires and dissatisfaction.
How does gratitude help you become happier?
Gratitude shifts the focus to what is already present, rather than what is lacking. When you realize that you would give anything to regain your current state of health if you were ill, you recognize the immense value of the present moment. This perspective leads to greater contentment and inner peace.
What does “happiness as the default state” mean according to Naval Ravikant?
Naval Ravikant describes happiness as a natural state that arises when the feeling disappears that something is missing in life. When there are no more desires, the mind becomes calm and stops wandering into the past or future. In this state of desirelessness, inner peace arises, and with it, happiness.
What does duality have to do with happiness?
The concept of duality states that happiness and unhappiness are mutually dependent. Every positive thought carries the seed for a negative one. Much of life’s greatness arises from suffering because one must see the negative before one can appreciate the positive as a goal. Happiness, therefore, is neither purely positive nor purely negative, but rather the absence of desires.
Why doesn’t external success automatically make one happy?
External success only creates short-term happiness because new desires and goals immediately arise afterward. Those who tie their happiness to conditions like “I’ll only be happy when I’ve finished my studies” or “when I’ve founded my company” constantly postpone happiness and never live in the moment.
How do you find the right balance for a happy life?
According to Reza Mehman, happiness requires a balance between important areas of life such as family, sports, and work. Focusing exclusively on one area leads to a lack of fulfillment. It’s about consciously distributing time and energy across different areas.
Why do we lose happiness when we try to hold onto it?
When you linger in a happy moment and think, “I want to hold onto this state,” your mind starts moving again. It tries to make something temporary permanent and to cling to it instead of letting go. And that’s precisely how the happy state disappears again immediately.
Which book does Reza Mehman recommend on the topic of happiness?
Reza recommends “The Almanac” by Naval Ravikant. The book offers a profound perspective on happiness as the default state and describes how a lack of desire and acceptance of the present moment lead to inner peace. It has profoundly changed Reza’s own view of happiness.
Highlight quotes
“We all just want to be happy. The problem is, very few people know how to become happy. In my view, happiness is a simple inner decision that one can make.”
– Reza Mehman
“I’m only happy when I’ve achieved a certain level of success, or when I have these results. It’s always been somewhat dependent on achieving something.”
– Reza Mehman
“The present moment, when you actually have everything, everyone is healthy, your loved ones are healthy, you yourself are healthy, that is actually the most precious moment you have. Because otherwise you would give up everything to reach that moment again.”
– Reza Mehman
“Happiness is the state when nothing is lacking. When nothing is lacking, your mind switches off and stops running into the past or the future to regret or plan anything.”
– Naval Ravikant (quoted by Reza Mehman)
“The fewer desires I have, the more I can accept the current situation. The more I am in the present, the happier and more content I am.”
– Naval Ravikant (quoted by Reza Mehman)
“Every positive thought carries the seed for a negative one, and vice versa. Many great things in life come about through suffering.”
– Naval Ravikant (quoted by Reza Mehman)
“Long-term happiness, inner happiness, can only be achieved if you decide to be truly happy.”
– Reza Mehman
The full conversation
We all just want to be happy, but the problem is that most people don’t know how to become happy. From my perspective, happiness is a simple inner decision you can make. How you can make this decision is exactly what we’ll be discussing in today’s podcast episode. Over the course of my life, my definition of happiness has changed; you could even say it’s constantly changing. In my younger years, it was more along the lines of saying, “I’ll only be happy when I’ve achieved a certain level of success, or when I have these results.” I’ll only be happy when I’ve finished my studies. I’ll only be happy when I’ve founded my own company.
It was always somewhat dependent on achieving something, something material or immaterial, and I think that’s not unusual for people to always want more and more. Interestingly, my definition of happiness has changed enormously over the years. I’ve already mentioned it in one or two podcast episodes. I once had a start that went quite well, but then I made a few bad decisions and, unfortunately, you could say I drove it into a wall.
Looking at life anew after a setback
And in that emotional hole I found myself in, I was, of course, utterly miserable. I didn’t see the positive aspects at all, which is something I had actually learned on this course. But then at some point I realized, hey, I can’t make my own happiness dependent on which goals I achieve or don’t achieve. Eventually, I discovered the concept of gratitude for myself. It had a huge impact on my life in that I simply understood that I have to live in the present moment. This became especially clear to me when I heard a very beautiful or interesting story.
I heard it was about the following: Imagine a serious illness or injury happens to you or a loved one. You’re then faced with the decision to give everything you have—all your money and resources—so that these people, or you yourself, can recover. The interesting thing is that you would give up everything, essentially in that moment, to restore your previous state of health.
Recognizing the value of the present moment
And when I realized that, I drew the converse conclusion: that in the present moment, when you actually have everything—everyone is healthy, all your loved ones are healthy, and you yourself are healthy—that’s actually the most precious moment you have, because otherwise you would never give up everything to reach this moment again. That was truly an eye-opener for me, understanding that the present moment is actually the most beautiful moment. The other thing I’ve discovered, especially for myself over the years, is that I need a certain balance in life. I also talked about this briefly in another podcast.
Yes, in preparation for this conversation, I naturally thought about how I personally define happiness, and my first assumption was that everyone actually has a different definition. When I delved a little deeper into my own definition, I realized that for me, happiness is actually when I have my important life areas in balance—for example, family, sports, my job, the work I do. Everything has to be in balance because otherwise, if I only give 100 percent to one thing, I feel like it doesn’t feel complete, and I don’t mean that negatively at all. I even sometimes feel guilty about thinking that way.
A new perspective through Naval Ravikant
What I just said is a different perspective on the topic of happiness, but I recently discovered a book I loved, based on a recommendation from an acquaintance: Nawal Ravikant’s Almanac. The book contains the author’s definition of happiness, and I definitely want to share it with you today because I find it incredibly interesting. It’s also changed my perspective on the subject a bit..
Today I believe that happiness is actually a default state. Happiness arises when you become numb to the fact that something is missing in your life. We are machines geared towards survival and reproduction, constantly making judgments. We walk around thinking, “I need this” or “I need that,” trapped in a web of desires. Happiness is the state when nothing is missing. When nothing is missing, your mind switches off and stops running into the past or the future to regret or plan anything.
Desirelessness and inner peace
In this state of desirelessness, they find inner peace for a moment; when they have this peace, they are content and happy. Some people mistakenly believe that happiness is only about positive thoughts or activities. Ultimately, it’s always about duality and polarity. If I say that I am happy, it also means that I was unhappy at some point. If I say someone else is attractive, then someone else is unattractive. Every positive thought carries the seed for a negative one, and vice versa. This has a lot to do with the fact that much greatness in life comes about through suffering. You have to see the negative before you can turn to the positive as a goal and appreciate it.
For me, happiness isn’t just about positive thoughts, nor is it about negative thoughts; it’s about the absence of desires, especially for things outside of myself. The fewer desires I have, the more I can accept the current state, the less my mind wanders and is no longer in motion towards the future or the past. The more I am in the present, the happier and more content I am. If I wallow in a feeling and think, “Oh, now I’m happy,” and want to stay in this state, then I lose it.
Continued
Suddenly, the mind is in motion again; it tries to hold onto something, not let go; it tries to make a temporary situation permanent. So, the topic of duality has incredibly broadened my perspective; I hadn’t seen it that way at all. Of course, it makes perfect sense. Everyone knows the yin-yang symbol of day and darkness, these opposites, and I’ve actually decided to think more about this duality now. So, if I say there is such a thing as happiness, then there must also be such a thing as unhappiness, or as the author also says, there is such a thing as attractiveness, or such a thing as luck or happiness.
Then there’s also something like unattractiveness, which was a very nice broadening of perspective for me. What I also found great was how he expressed it: happiness also means being in a moment or a situation where there are no further desires, and the point is that if you try to understand this moment, capture it, or prolong it, then this moment disappears again quite quickly..
The personal meaning of happiness
So, guys, I hope you enjoyed today’s podcast episode. Basically, I wanted to express that, on the one hand, everyone has to define happiness for themselves, but what’s very clear to me is that happiness is a kind of decision you make for yourself. Happiness brought from the outside probably only lasts a very, very short time, but I’d say long-term happiness, inner happiness, is only achieved when you decide to truly be happy. I hope you enjoyed today’s episode.
If that’s the case, please leave me a like, subscribe to the channel, and I hope to see you again soon. Don’t forget, until then, my set is… Everything.
This transcript was automatically generated using Whisper AI and may contain occasional errors.
Keywords
Tags: happiness, being happy, happiness is a choice, gratitude, inner happiness, Naval Ravikant, The Almanac, duality, desirelessness, work-life balance, living in the moment, mindset, personal growth, contentment, Project Mindset, Reza Mehman
Names and terms
Reza Mehman, Naval Ravikant, The Almanac (book), Project Mindset, Duality, Desirelessness, Gratitude, Yin and Yang, Work-Life Balance, Standard State, Inner Decision, Polarity, Present Moment, Mindfulness
Quotable passage
Happiness is not a reward earned through success, but a conscious inner decision that every person can make.
The most valuable moment in life is the present one, because in a real emergency, one would give everything to restore exactly this state.
True happiness does not come from accumulating successes or possessions, but from the absence of desires and the complete acceptance of the present moment.
The less we desire, the more we can enjoy the present and the happier we are.
You can find more personal thoughts on happiness and gratitude at Project Mindset.
Prefer listening? Explore the original Project Mindset podcast recordings.
