48. How to deal with FOPO: fear of other people’s opinions

Hi everyone and welcome to Project Mindset, the channel for all those who know that with the right mindset, anything is possible in life. Today we’re talking about the term FOPO, Fear of Other People ‘s Opinion. I myself actually suffer from this from time to time, this kind of anxiety or fear about what others will think of me if I do this or that. I have some good examples of this, for instance, my first podcast that I released.

Beforehand, I really worried a lot about what my friends would think of me, what my family would think of me, what complete strangers I didn’t even know would think of me. I had similar thoughts before the release of my first YouTube video. Even when I founded my first company, it was the same: what would others think of me? Would they think I was completely off the rails, leaving a secure job to take a huge risk by becoming an entrepreneur?

I’ve actually had thoughts like that quite a few times in my life. Dealing with those thoughts has repeatedly shown me that I need to let go of them. Otherwise, they can hold back my development. I think I’m definitely not alone in having this kind of fear. Perhaps a better term in German is social anxiety. There’s even a phobia that’s now named after it: alodoxaphobia. I hope I pronounced it correctly.

Thoughts on the fear of other people’s opinions

So, this anxiety, which is a specific anxiety disorder, refers to the fear of differing opinions or discussions. It comes from the Greek word “alo,” meaning “other.” And as I said, I think it’s not that uncommon, and I’ve also wondered why I still experience this anxiety from time to time. “Anxiety” sounds very harsh, so perhaps it’s more like “apprehension.” Why do I still have this apprehension sometimes? It’s less frequent than before, but every now and then I catch myself thinking, for example, that I want to publish new content and then I think, “Wow, what will others actually think about this?”

Or something happened where I thought, oh no, I really don’t want to know what other people think. So this fear seems to be a constant companion, and I don’t think I’m alone. I’ve heard from many others that they’re simply afraid of other people’s opinions. I think it’s partly due to that, and like so much in our lives, it’s connected to our primal instincts. We want to belong to a group, because, for example, the group offers protection.

Especially in the Stone Age, it was probably incredibly important to have a group around you, particularly to be protected from attacks by other groups or wild animals. That’s why people wanted to belong. They didn’t want to stand out. They didn’t want to be ostracized or expelled from the group, so they could benefit from this group’s protective mechanism. Fortunately, we no longer have the same situation as back then; we are relatively protected in today’s society.

My own experiences with uncertainty

But I still think these primal instincts are ingrained in us. I have a different story about that, too. It’s not just that I occasionally worry about what others think of me; I actually used to hate being underestimated. That is to say, it was actually important to me what others thought of me, but I wanted them to think positively of me. And a small example is basketball. I keep coming back to the topic of basketball.

I simply enjoy doing it way too much. Back in the day, on the outdoor pitch, for example, you’d just meet strangers and play together. Eventually, it became about forming teams so you could play against each other. And then I hated it, for example, when I was considered the weaker player, when I was essentially marked by another weaker player because the best player on the pitch had said, “Hey, you, you, take this, mark Reza, please.”

I hated being underestimated. And later I saw something about it. But I’ve been thinking about this. I think being underestimated or being afraid of other people’s opinions can be dealt with quite well by developing some tools for dealing with FOPO, or Fear of Other People’s Opinion. Just develop some tools for dealing with FOPO, or Fear of Other People’s Opinion, and then whenever something like that happens, pull out those tools and say, “Wow, no, I’ve already thought about that.”

Continued

I don’t need to have this fear at all, because, for example, tool number one, because, for example, I think it’s like this: I’m afraid of other people’s opinions. But I’ve already formed an opinion about others beforehand, wondering what they’ll think of me, because they’ll probably think negatively about me. It’s paradoxical that I form an opinion about others before they’ve even had the chance to form an opinion about me. You have to be aware of this first.

That’s kind of paradoxical, and I’m always thinking about it, for example, before new podcast episodes, when I think, okay, another new release today, I’ve prepared something again. What will others think about it? Then I think to myself, I’m already thinking about what others think before they even know that I’ve released a new podcast. It is kind of paradoxical, isn’t it? Secondly, or as a second tool, I’m also aware that it’s something cultural.

So, if I’m afraid of a certain situation, or of certain opinions, then I think to myself, okay, that’s probably some kind of primal instinct. Maybe I don’t want to stand out. It’s about belonging. I want to be part of the group so they don’t ostracize me, and so on. And here’s a little observation from my side, which certainly isn’t scientifically proven, but is really just my own observation. I’m originally from Iran, so I come from the Orient, so to speak.

Cultural influences and expectations

And I’ve noticed that in this culture, the fear of others’ opinions is much more prevalent than in Western cultures, like here in Germany, for example. In Western culture, I’ve noticed that it’s all about who’s to blame for a certain situation. Who’s responsible for things going so badly? I think I’ve seen some evidence of this, especially with the scapegoating and the World Wars and so on. But honestly, this isn’t something I’ve investigated scientifically at all.

This is just my opinion. I believe that in Eastern cultures, the fear of differing opinions is much more prevalent than, for example, the question of who is to blame, which is much more prominent in Western culture. As a third tool, I have a small mindset hack that I personally find quite useful: I try to change my perspective when I notice that I’m afraid of different opinions. Instead, I simply think, “OK, now I’ll release an example from the podcast to keep it relevant.”

From fear to curiosity

I’m releasing a new podcast. I’m not afraid of other people’s opinions; in fact, I want to know what they think. Their perspectives are something I look forward to. I see it as feedback and constructive criticism. This small shift in perspective can really help you approach the topic of FOPO (Fear of Opportunity) differently. And back to basketball. As I mentioned before, I used to hate being underestimated. I’d get covered by weaker players, and so on, until I realized I could actually use underestimating me to my advantage. By the time they realized, “Wow, Reza’s actually not that bad,” I’d already scored a lot of points and the team was practically on a winning streak.

We almost won the game. Only then did the better, or supposedly better, player on the field mark me. So, I was actually able to use the fact that I was underestimated to great effect. Another tool I like to use is to consciously remind myself that I actually admire many people who somehow stand out from the crowd or do their own thing, regardless of what others think of them. They’re probably successful precisely because they stand out, because they’re not in the mainstream, but doing their own thing.

Consciously pursue one’s own path

And then I also realize, okay, maybe I have to do it so that I somehow stand out from the crowd, so that I can become successful, however one defines success. So, again, taking something positive out of a situation. A quote I found in this context, which fits perfectly here, is from Epictetus, who once said, “You don’t care if others think you ‘re naive or stupid. Your only concern is to keep your focus on yourself so you don’t damage your progress.”

From a mindset perspective, it’s incredibly important, in my personal view, to have made some kind of progress in your life. This means learning new things, trying new things. That, in my opinion, has an incredible impact on your happiness. And if you let yourself be held back by FOPO—fear of others’ opinions—then you might not make that progress, and consequently, you’re unhappy because you haven’t really done what you wanted.

Continued

Another and final point I’d like to address is the issue of being afraid of differing opinions. I’ve observed this in myself. During a presentation to a large group, a bit of stage fright came up. I thought to myself, “Ugh, I absolutely can’t mess this up. Performing well felt essential.” This fear actually motivated me to prepare the presentation very well, or even extremely well. Or, a perfect example is today’s podcast.

Uncertainty as a reason to prepare

Of course, I still have a bit of anxiety about what others think of me, and I can’t completely shake it off. So I prepare accordingly. I try not to talk nonsense. Researching online and looking around helps me consider opposing viewpoints. I even mentally formulate opposing opinions so I can critically examine them. In other words, I use this anxiety in a positive way to achieve better results.

Alright folks, we’ve reached the end of today’s podcast. I hope I’ve been able to convey that FOPO (Fear of Opportunity) is probably nothing unusual, but simply part of our primal instincts. We don’t want to stand out from the group, but we also want to belong. We’re a little afraid of differing opinions. I think that’s part of it. But you can draw an incredible amount of positive energy from this negative energy to advance your issues, the things that are important to you, better, faster, and more efficiently.

I hope you enjoyed today’s podcast. If so, as always, I’d appreciate it if you could leave a review, a like, and share it with your friends, because that’s the only way the podcast can continue to grow. Thank you so much for listening. And until next time. Don’t forget, mindset is everything.