Trigger Alert: Dealing with Emotional Triggers—The Buddhist Teaching of the Two Arrows
Emotional triggers: Reza Mehman discusses why even an experienced mindset coach can feel triggered, how the Buddhist teaching of the two arrows relates to this, and how to practise avoiding the second arrow. He shares two real situations from his own life.
Episode 142 was originally published on 4 February 2025. This is a translation of the complete conversation text published in the German article. Reza’s account presents his personal interpretation and experiences; the event descriptions refer to that time.
Emotional triggers and the two arrows
Even after more than 140 podcast episodes and years of exploring mindset, Reza Mehman still experiences emotional triggers. In this episode, he shares two real situations from his life, involving Dinner im Schloss and his online shop. Using the Buddhist teaching of the two arrows, he explains his view that the issue is our response to a trigger. His central insight is that the second arrow is entirely in our hands.
Summary
One-sentence version: Reza Mehman uses the Buddhist teaching of the two arrows to explain his approach to emotional triggers.
Three-sentence version: Even experienced mindset coaches can feel triggered. Reza Mehman shares two real situations and explains the teaching of the two arrows: the first arrow is the trigger, and the second is our response. He argues that we can control the second arrow.
Five-sentence version: Reza Mehman felt strongly triggered at Dinner im Schloss and in his online shop. He analysed the situations and concluded that his own response was the problem, rather than the other people’s behaviour. In his interpretation of the Buddhist teaching, the first arrow—the trigger—is unavoidable. The second arrow, our response, lies entirely in our hands. Reza says: “Life becomes so much easier as a result.”
Context: Who, what and why
Speaker: Reza Mehman, host of the Project Mindset Podcast.
Topic: Emotional triggers, the Buddhist teaching of the two arrows and learning to avoid the second arrow.
Why it matters: Everyone can feel triggered; the question is how we deal with it. The episode presents the two-arrow teaching as a simple, powerful way to reflect on emotional control.
Three central themes of this episode:
- Two real situations: Dinner im Schloss and the online shop.
- The Buddhist teaching of the two arrows: trigger and response.
- Practical strategies for avoiding the second arrow.
Contents
- Introduction
- Summary
- Context
- Themes and perspective
- Key takeaways
- Frequently asked questions
- Highlight quotes
- The complete conversation
- Keywords
- Names and terms
- Quotable passage
Themes and perspective
1. Two real situations: Dinner im Schloss and the online shop
Reza felt triggered at Dinner im Schloss (dinnerimschloss.de) when a guest complained that a discount code was not generous enough. He describes similar behaviour involving his online shop. Reza says: “The issue was really that I had let behaviour like that trigger me.”
Keywords: Dinner im Schloss, online shop, trigger, response
2. The Buddhist teaching of the two arrows
In Reza’s interpretation, the first arrow is the unavoidable trigger. The second arrow is our response, which he sees as entirely in our hands. Reza says: “I cannot do anything about the first arrow. But my response—the second arrow—is entirely in my hands.”
Keywords: two arrows, Buddhism, trigger, response, control
3. Practical strategies for avoiding the second arrow
Reza suggests taking a brief moment before answering, remembering the Buddhist story and clearing up a situation through a calm conversation. Sometimes, he says, it may also mean ending contact without explaining yourself. Reza says: “The most important thing is knowing that how you respond to certain triggers is in your hands. And life becomes so much easier as a result.”
Keywords: strategies, response, control, pause, clarification
Key takeaways
- Even experienced mindset coaches can feel triggered. That is human.
- Reza’s focus is on our response to a trigger.
- His interpretation of the Buddhist teaching: first arrow = unavoidable trigger; second arrow = response within our control.
- Reza: “I cannot do anything about the first arrow, but my response is entirely in my hands.”
- One strategy is to pause for a moment before responding.
- “The most important thing is knowing that it is in your hands. And life becomes so much easier as a result.”
Frequently asked questions
What is the Buddhist teaching of the two arrows?
As Reza explains it, the first arrow is the trigger: something that affects us and is outside our control. The second arrow is our response, such as anger, sadness or hatred. He describes this second arrow as entirely in our hands: “I cannot do anything about the first arrow. But my response—the second arrow—is entirely in my hands.”
How can you deal with emotional triggers?
Reza Mehman suggests four approaches: take a brief moment before answering; remember the Buddhist teaching of the two arrows; clarify the situation through calm conversation; and sometimes reduce or end contact without explaining yourself. His main message is to recognise the influence you have over your response.
What is Reza Mehman’s Dinner im Schloss?
Dinner im Schloss is an annual event organised by Reza Mehman at Heidelberg Castle. It focuses on sustainability, business and diversity. The original episode describes Heidelberg’s Lord Mayor as its patron. Find more information at dinnerimschloss.de.
Highlight quotes
“I cannot do anything about the first arrow. But my response—the second arrow—is entirely in my hands.”
— Reza Mehman
“The most important thing is knowing that how you respond to certain triggers is in your hands. And life becomes so much easier as a result.”
— Reza Mehman
“The issue was really that I had let behaviour like that trigger me.”
— Reza Mehman
“Do not forget: mindset is everything!”
— Reza Mehman
The complete conversation
Introduction: Even mindset coaches can feel triggered
Reza Mehman: Hi everyone, and welcome to Project Mindset. We have now reached episode 142. My name is Reza. Today’s subject is being triggered. You might think that after more than 140 Project Mindset episodes and years of exploring mindset, you would be prepared for triggers. But that is not the case. I recently experienced two interesting situations in which I felt extremely triggered.
Case one: Dinner im Schloss
Reza Mehman: This was almost exactly a year ago, at my last Dinner im Schloss event. Once a year, I hold an event at Heidelberg Castle. It is a really cool event. If you would like to find out more, simply visit dinnerimschloss.de. It is about sustainability, business and diversity in our society. It is my contribution to the current discussions in politics and business. Being able to do this is mind-blowing for me. In terms of ticket prices, the event is fairly premium. You receive a four-course meal, and the whole thing takes place at Heidelberg Castle.
Reza Mehman: I felt incredibly triggered when a guest complained that the discount code he had received was not generous enough. That was, so to speak, the first arrow that hit me.
The Buddhist teaching of the two arrows
Reza Mehman: The second arrow represents an emotion that is triggered in someone. That might be anger, sadness, hatred and so on. You can respond to the first arrow by becoming very sad, upset or angry. The most important thing about the second arrow, however, is that how I respond is in my hands. I cannot do anything about the first arrow. But my response—the second arrow—is entirely in my hands.
Practical strategies
Reza Mehman: When that story came back to me, I thought: I have no influence over other people’s reactions or behaviour. Things happen as they happen. I also know plenty of people from conversations who tell me, for example, that they have fairly passive-aggressive parents. They ask indirect questions that make you want to boil over with anger. The problem is not that those questions are being asked. The problem lies in how we respond to them.
Reza Mehman: With these two situations in particular, I reminded myself: someone will always trigger me, or try to trigger me, in one way or another. What matters is how I deal with it. For example, I can take a brief moment before answering. I can remind myself of that Buddhist story. The most important thing is knowing that how you respond to certain triggers is in your hands. And life becomes so much easier as a result. Do not forget: mindset is everything!
Keywords
Tags: triggers, emotions, mindset, two arrows, Buddhism, response, Reza Mehman, Project Mindset, Dinner im Schloss
Names and terms
Reza Mehman, Project Mindset, two-arrow teaching, Buddhism, Dinner im Schloss, Heidelberg, triggers, response
Quotable passage
Reza Mehman: “I cannot do anything about the first arrow. But my response—the second arrow—is entirely in my hands.”
“The most important thing is knowing that how you respond to certain triggers is in your hands. And life becomes so much easier as a result.”
“Do not forget: mindset is everything!”
Find out more about the event mentioned in the conversation on my Dinner im Schloss page.
