31. Choose your hard

Hi everyone and welcome to Project Mindset. This channel is for all of you who know that with the right mindset, anything is possible in life. Lately, I’ve been told a few times that I’m not entirely relaxed in certain situations or with certain topics. It wasn’t meant maliciously; it was simply that I could be a bit more relaxed. The topics were quite varied. One time it was about raising children, another time it was about my diet.

I have quite a few rules for myself. One was about my sport, and another was about my job. And I’ve actually thought about why I give others the impression that I’m so uptight. Like, why someone else thinks I’m not really enjoying it, or that I’m taking it way too seriously and could be a bit more relaxed. And as you probably know from previous episodes of Project Mindset, feedback is extremely important to me.

Take feedback from your own environment seriously

I do take things to heart when someone says something to me, especially if it’s someone close to me. My response is to consider whether there’s any truth to it or whether it’s simply a misjudgment. I also happened to see a screenshot on Instagram that fits quite well. It’s relevant to today’s topic, and I’d like to address it now. The point was that, for example, let’s start with the topic of marriage or partnership, having a happy or fulfilling marriage or partnership isn’t easy; in fact, it’s really tough..

It takes a lot of work, a lot of energy, discussions, clarification of misunderstandings, and consideration of each other’s needs—which isn’t always easy. Above all, transparency is key, and open communication about your own needs is essential. And who hasn’t experienced this? It’s much easier to avoid communication altogether, to say, “Hey, I don’t feel like talking,” or “Ugh, not today,” and so on, instead of communicating and engaging in the discussion..

Interestingly, a happy marriage, as I just mentioned, or a happy partnership is certainly difficult,but it’s just as hard to be unhappy in a marriage or to go through a separation or divorce. The same applies to exercise—regularly exercising and challenging your body—which is tough. But being out of shape and unable to perform simple physical tasks well is just as difficult.

Effort and its alternatives

I mean, it’s obvious that getting up three or four times a week in the evening after work, changing clothes, going to the gym, showering afterwards, and so on, is tough at first. It takes a lot of time, and the effort required is significant overall. You also have to think about your training plan, maybe adjust your diet, and so on. So, exercising itself is hard, but what’s the alternative? Just sitting at a desk all day, somehow managing back and neck pain, and then trying to cope with it using painkillers?

That’s at least as tough. Or take the topic of finances. Keeping an eye on your finances, putting money aside, setting budgets for how much you can spend each month on what – that’s tough, of course. But in my opinion, being broke, constantly broke, or having to pay off a huge loan is just as tough; both are hard. I mean, on the one hand, if you want to manage your finances properly, you have to think about whether to invest in stocks, invest in ETFs, or somehow forgo that new smartphone because you already have one. And I even have a very specific example: I’m really keen to buy the iPad Pro with that cool stylus.

Desires and actual needs differ

I’m really super excited about it. But do I really need it? Sometimes I feel like it would be easier for me to just spend, I don’t know, 900 or 1000 euros and have it. But to be honest, I don’t think I really need it. Or take the whole nutrition thing. I talked about this in an earlier podcast, how I set quite a few rules for myself, like no alcohol during the week, no sweets or desserts, no sugary foods, and so on.

It’s obviously tough to pay attention to that. But on the other hand, it’s just as hard to be overweight or to be completely unhappy with your own figure. And personally, I believe I really love food. And there are things I absolutely love to eat. For example, watermelon, ice cream, especially spaghetti ice cream with extra whipped cream or Kugizeis, and so on. Or a really delicious burger with fries. I can really stomach that kind of thing.

Decisions regarding nutrition

But it’s clear to me that I can’t eat that every day. And these days, it’s so much easier to eat something unhealthy than to stand in the kitchen, cook something healthy, go shopping, and so on. With a delivery service, you can have the unhealthiest things at your door in 10-15 minutes, and it would be super easy to call up, order something unhealthy for cheap, and just fill up. But of course,at the end of the day, you’re unhappy.

I don’t know anyone who’s ever said, “Wow, that was really good,” after eating a really heavy, fatty meal. Most people—I’d guess almost everyone—feel a little bit guilty about having eaten something really unhealthy. Or, to give you a small example, I remember at one of my previous jobs I had a really great team, and we used to go to a bakery right outside every afternoon and get some pastries. Every day I was consuming an extra 400 or 500 calories from those pastries, and I wasn’t paying attention. Then at some point I realized, “Wow, that’s crazy, I’ve gained a few kilos!”

Everyday decisions and their consequences

Otherwise, nothing has changed in my diet or exercise routine, but those 400 or 500 calories—I only realized this afterward—really did have an impact on my weight. It was really hard to say, “Hey, I’m not coming to the bakery with you,” or “I might come along, but I won’t buy anything. While you all enjoy your sweet pastries with a cup of black tea, I’ll just have a banana or something.” The issue of collaborating with others is also tough, of course. Constantly having to compromise within the team, constantly figuring out who wants to proceed in which direction, but my decision is completely different; you have to communicate what’s right and wrong.

Making decisions as a team is tough, but it’s just as hard to have to do everything alone. Or take the topic of jobs. I know many people who want to leave their 9-to-5 jobs because they’re so incredibly unhappy there. Of course, a 9-to-5 job that you absolutely hate is hard to do, but it’s just as hard to become self-employed, try to grow your business, earn money, pay your employees, and I can attest to that, I’ve tried it myself, so I also find it incredibly hard to grow your own business, and it took an incredible amount of energy.

Consider the process and the result together.

So you see, there are so many things where you might say it’s hard to do one thing, but just as hard to refrain from doing it, for example. And personally, I’ve realized there are times when you simply have to choose the difficult process. By difficult process, I mean something that might seem a bit harder at first, but the result is something you really like. That is, the process is tough, but the result is good. And then, conversely, there are easy processes, but the result is bad.

Of course, I could say, “Hey, I’m not going to put that much work into this, so I’ll take the easy way out,” but then the result is either failure or just being really unhappy. And I think you really have to ask yourself which hard option you’re choosing. Do you choose the hard process and the good result,or the easy process and the bad result? That said, I’m not a fan of making things unnecessarily difficult for yourself or putting obstacles in your way to make it even harder than it already is.

Seriousness without unnecessary harshness

I’m all for approaching things in a relaxed way. But I do believe that certain results simply require a certain level of seriousness in the process you’re undertaking. Without hard work, it’s obviously difficult to be successful. Without paying attention to your diet, it’s difficult to have a figure you like. Or without putting hard work into a relationship, perhaps seeking compromises, and understanding the other person’s needs, it’s difficult to have a happy partnership.

So, guys, I can only recommend that you choose your partner very carefully. I personally need to talk to the people who told me I seem tense. I really think I’m actually quite relaxed, but I need to reflect a bit more, look at it, and ask again in which situations I came across as tense. For me, it works best when I have my own set of rules.

Why personal rules help me

I know, for example, I don’t do that during the week, or my training plan says I have to train today. If I don’t, it’s just bad luck, because I know perfectly well that if I break one rule, it’s a very close call to breaking the second, the third, and so on. That’s why it might look from the outside like I’m uptight and maybe a bit too hard on myself. But it’s really just because I try to be consistently the way I feel is best for me, and also the way I think will give me the best results.

Consciously choosing your own rules

Alright everyone, that’s it for today. I hope I was able to explain the topic clearly and effectively. I hope you were able to follow along with my points. My point is that many things in life are hard. It’s easier said than done to be relaxed, because I think if you’re too relaxed and let things slide too much, it gradually affects all areas of your life. I’m not a fan of making things unnecessarily difficult, but I still believe that the rules you set for yourself, where you know they have a purpose and the result behind them—the result of all the hard work you put in—that’s what you really want, because I think, or at least assume, that they contribute to your happiness.

Yes, that you simply follow these rules. As always, folks, I hope you enjoyed the episode. If so, please leave a like and subscribe to the channel. I would be extremely happy if we could continue to grow together. Thank you so much for listening, and see you next time. Don’t forget, my Z is everything.