52. How new friendships broaden your horizons.

Hi everyone and welcome to Project Mindset! This channel is for all of you who know that with the right mindset, anything is possible in life. So, this is the first episode of the new year. I hope you all had a great start to the new year. I wish you all a healthy and happy new year. As I mentioned before, this year I don’t just want to focus on purely mental topics, mainly about thought control, emotional control, or changing perspectives. I also want to broaden the mindset theme a bit to include health, nutrition, and physical fitness, because I think all these things contribute to our happiness.

Nevertheless, there are of course other episodes that deal purely with mental topics. Today, for example, it’s also a more mental topic, or rather, a topic about perspective on how to handle friendships. I already did an episode on this recently. In that episode, I discussed how I personally distinguish between good and bad friendships. And in that episode, a brief summary for me was that if I notice someone isn’t happy for me when I’ve told them something or when I’ve achieved something for them, and they’re not happy for me at all, that’s a sign that they might not be a good friend for me.

Reflecting on one’s own circle of friends

Today’s episode deals with something similar. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about friendships and my circle of friends. There are many good, long-time friends in my life. Many of those friendships go back years. I have to admit that I’ve always been, and still am, quite proud of my friendships because I’m happy that they’ve lasted so long and hopefully will continue to last.

Sure, every now and then a friend or girlfriend unfortunately fades away. That happens, of course, but I’d say the majority of my friendships are ones I’ve had since I was very young. I’m also very, very happy that I still have him. A friend of mine even said at my wedding that he felt it was like a class reunion, in a good way. Even though the people weren’t directly friends with each other—I mean, if they weren’t friends with each other, they were only friends through me—everyone had the feeling that, yes, we’ve known each other for years.

Familiarity through shared history

So, I thought it was really nice that he said it, like an old class reunion. We knew each other, we’d had a good time together, and I thought it was pretty cool, to be honest. That was the wedding five years ago. But in recent months, I’ve noticed that over the years I’ve become, well, how should I put it, fixated on the idea that I don’t need any new friends or any additional friends. Sure, here and there in a business context, I’ve expanded my network, but I never really had the perspective of saying, okay, this new contact is a new friend of mine.

It was always like this, yeah, I have my old friends. I only became aware of it recently because a friend of mine said, hey, it was about someone else, who said, “I don’t need any new friends, I already have enough friendships to take care of, so I don’t need that person.” I actually thought about it for a long time. Because I think, regardless of the person being talked about, it’s kind of unfair or a missed opportunity if you don’t allow any new friendships into your life at all, by definition.

Don’t judge new contacts too quickly.

It sounds simple enough, but I know the feeling. You might meet someone somewhere, it could be a work colleague or even a friend of a friend. You immediately think, “Hey, it’s just an acquaintance, but I honestly don’t feel like exchanging numbers, then trying to meet up and get to know each other, learning about each other’s quirks and all that. I already have enough friends I need to take care of, and I don’t have much time for anything else.”

I think it also has a lot to do with comfort zones. New friendships naturally mean taking a bit of a risk. You open yourself up to someone new, who might even take advantage of that openness. With old friends, you already have trust; you’ve known them for years, they know how they tick, they know how you tick, they can handle your quirks. And new friendships usually mean having to invest a lot of energy again.

The fundamental problem, however, is what I mentioned earlier: you miss opportunities to meet truly good, inspiring people who can help you grow and expand your knowledge. And, to put it simply, new friendships and networks can also offer new possibilities. For example, if I’ve always wanted to learn DJing, but there’s no one in my circle of friends I can just ask, that’s a very simple example.

Continued

And I’ve actually met a few people where I only later realized, hey, they’re actually pretty good at DJing, and I could have asked them, hey, can you show me how it all works? Just as a small example. In that case, I consciously or unconsciously missed out on new opportunities, new possibilities, because I didn’t really engage with the person to get to know them properly. What exactly does this person do?

How does she spend her free time? What are her interests? And usually, super, super, super interesting things come out of it. That’s why today’s episode is relatively short. I just wanted to share with you, maybe in the new year, that if you think like I did until recently, you should consider that old friendships are more important than anything else; you should nurture them, and they are the truly important friendships. Yes, that goes for my friends too.

I know that some friends, good friends, are listening. You’re still important to me. I still want to do things with you, of course, have fun with you. But I think it’s also important to allow yourself to make new friends and to really say, “I’m open to getting to know this person, engaging with them, and seeing what new possibilities arise.” And one thing is always certain for me: you can always learn something from another person.

Maintain old friendships and remain open

So, folks, here’s a very short episode for the new year. All I really want to share today is a fresh perspective. Of course, hold on to your friendships, unless they’re toxic. But definitely be open to meeting new people. That’s my goal for this year, and I’m going to work on it. I’ll let you know at the end of the year whether I’ve made any new friends. I don’t want to overreact by saying I’ve been as closed off as usual when it comes to new friendships.

Quite the opposite, actually. Of course, I’m open to new connections. But for me, there was a mental hurdle to overcome before I could say, “Yes, this is now a new friend.” It was always more like, “He’s a new acquaintance,” something like that. Perhaps a contrasting perspective. I don’t want you to approach this dogmatically and say, “Hey, I have to cut all my old friendships now. It’s only about new friendships.” No, it’s actually about saying, “Okay, of course I’ll maintain my old friendships as long as they’re good for me.”

How deep is a friendship?

But I’m definitely open to new friendships. Maybe a slightly off-topic story I heard recently. Someone was talking about how they figure out when a friend is truly a friend. They said, “Hey, imagine you’re writing down really intimate thoughts in your diary or journal, and you have to let your friend, or the person you consider a friend, look at them. Would you let that person look, or would it make you uncomfortable?”

If you say, “Yes, I would let that person look at it,” then they’re most likely a very, very good friend of yours, and that’s naturally the goal for all of us. I have to admit, I wouldn’t let all the friends I currently consider good friends look at my journal, but there are probably a few I’d let them peek into. Think about how many friendships you have where you’d say, “Okay, I’d let that person look at my journal, my diary.”

Great news, I’m really looking forward to this year. There’s a ton of new content waiting for me. I hope you’ll continue to listen, which you absolutely could, because that’s the only way the podcast channel can keep growing. If you subscribe, leave me some reviews, and regularly tell your friends about it, that’s really the only way to attract new listeners. Thank you so much, and see you next time. Until then, remember, mindset is everything.