57. How to build self-confidence.

Hi everyone and welcome to Project Mindset, the channel for all those who know that with the right mindset, anything is possible in life. Today I have a very short episode for you. It’s about the topic of self-confidence. I personally have a rather unusual view on the subject of self-confidence, because I think it’s usually not something you’re born with, but rather something you develop over time.

Of course, there are a few exceptions. There are people who have a great deal of self-confidence from the very beginning and in every subject, but you quickly realize that with many of them, there isn’t actually that much substance behind what they say. However, self-confidence is still a significant factor, but I have the impression, or at least it’s been my experience, that I had to work hard to develop self-confidence in many areas. Let me give you a few examples; you might have seen on Instagram recently that I had the opportunity to interview the Finance Minister of Baden-Württemberg and the Head of Human Resources at SAP.

It was a really big deal for me. It was also an honor. Both of them have a migration background, so it was only natural to talk about integration, migration, and so on. And as I said, it was a big interview for me. It was also the first time I’d ever spoken to two people at once. Typically, in previous interviews, I’d only ever had one person in front of me, but this time there were two. And then, to top it all off, it was in this huge castle in Stuttgart, in the Ministry of Finance.

Gain confidence from initial interviews

That was definitely a small event, a highlight, for me. And I have to say, if that had been my very first interview, I would have been incredibly nervous. But I’ve now done over ten interviews. I’ve recorded over 50 podcast episodes in total. So, I approached it with a bit more composure. I still had stage fright, of course, but I was a bit more relaxed.

It wasn’t like I thought, “Wow, I can’t do this,” or “What if I make a mistake?” or “What if the guests don’t communicate well with me?” I mean, a lot of things could go wrong in some way or another. But I was relatively relaxed. I figured it would all work out somehow. Those earlier interviews had given me experience. A great team was with me, and over those interviews my confidence and self-assurance grew.

I achieved this by constantly thinking about things like, “Hey, how can I improve my questioning techniques when speaking with guests? How can I better connect with the guest during a conversation? What kind of technical equipment is good to have with me? Which people do I need?” My videographer, for example—a big shout-out to him—gives me incredible confidence knowing he has everything under control behind the scenes when I’m up front.

Stage fright as a motivator for preparation

But as I said, a little bit of stage fright is part of it. And I think it also achieved what stage fright is supposed to do for me: namely, that I prepare well for an appointment. That means I actually think about who I’m talking to, what their interests are, what questions might be relevant, and what questions are completely irrelevant. And that, yes, that’s actually what I’ve built up in recent interviews—this self-confidence. The worst thing would have been, for example, if it had been my first interview.

I might have felt uneasy, I might have been afraid, afraid of failing. I might not have been able to develop the right questioning techniques yet, because I simply wouldn’t have had the time, because it would always have been a first interview. And I think it’s important to understand, to say, that self-confidence is something that builds up over time. For example, I have a few bigger interviews coming up in the next few weeks and months that I’m really looking forward to.

And I have to say, at this new, let’s say, level of confidence, it’s also easier for me to plan these interviews. Because I know for sure, hey, I already have some experience in this area. So it will also be possible to manage future projects, even if they are even bigger. Why am I telling you this? Of course not to pose here, like, hey, look, I’m such a great guy and I’ve already conducted this and that interview.

Continued

Rather, my point is to explain that self-confidence can be built up over time. I actually know many people in my circle who struggle with self-confidence. I think if you look around you in today’s social media world, everyone seems to be shouting from the rooftops about how great they are or what they can do. And you think to yourself, wow, they have so much self-confidence, that they can achieve all that. And then you yourself might feel a little bit smaller.

But with today’s episode, I want to make it clear that, yes, building self-confidence isn’t easy. But I’m absolutely certain that everyone can build self-confidence. As a small example, I often mention little tools I use when I have a presentation somewhere that’s important in some way. The simplest thing I can do is break down this presentation, which initially seems so big, into smaller steps.

For example, I record myself giving a presentation. Completely alone in the room, nobody has to listen at first; I simply speak into the camera and then watch it afterwards – hey, did it work reasonably well or not? Then, if it works reasonably well, I might do it in front of my partner or a friend and get their feedback. If that works reasonably well, if I’ve taken these small steps, then of course I feel confident enough to give a really big presentation.

Start big projects on the side

Or I know many people who want to become self-employed and say, “Wow, I can’t just jump in headfirst, quit my job, and start my own business.” Yes, I understand all of that. How about building it up as a time hustle? That means you start your business alongside your job, try to attract your first customers or develop your product, and work your way up step by step. And then you don’t have to quit your job for a long time, and you can build up your self-confidence and say, “Yes, I can manage to be a part-time entrepreneur alongside my job.”

Or take the topic of writing a book. Many people want to write a book and say, “Yes, I have a rough story I want to share, but if I start such a huge project and publish it, will anyone even read it?” And then I say, “Well, start with something small. Write a few articles first, see what the feedback is like, and see if you even like what you’re writing. Then, once you’ve built confidence, once the feedback is good, once you can critically examine your own work, and everything is great, then you can tackle the really big project.”

Growing with small steps

So, the idea of ​​taking small steps in the right direction can be incredibly helpful in building confidence. This is completely parallel to, or rather, fits quite well with, what I said earlier: I also built my confidence over time through interviews, for example. First, I asked friends, business associates, and athletes. And then it progressed to interviewing complete strangers, people I didn’t have much of a history or context for, and I had to build rapport through conversation, to figure out how they thought and felt.

But that simply happens step by step. A second tool I’d like to introduce is for situations where, for whatever reason, you can’t take small steps, but have to take an all-or-nothing approach. And what I mean by that is, small steps are great, but sometimes it means, okay, I have to do something really big right now, and then something even bigger. Here’s my mindset: I always think that failure is simply part of the process.

It might sound a little strange. Maybe a little strange, and it does sound a bit odd. I don’t know if you know Gary V, that social media influencer who says he loves the topic of failure. Well, I don’t love it, but I’ve at least convinced myself that it’s perfectly normal that when I start something new, I might initially make a bit of a fool of myself in front of other people. But it’s simply part of the process. I always use the example of children, or rather, my children.

Failure is part of learning

Of course, they fall flat on their faces a thousand times before they can take their first steps properly, even adults. I know someone like that. He started a business, didn’t completely fail, but ultimately failed financially. But his second venture, and I hope to have him as a guest on my podcast sometime, has been a resounding success. So, again, he tried something, failed, learned from his experiences, and moved on.

Continued

And if you have this mindset, hey, failure can simply be part of the process, and everyone fails in some way or another, then I learn from it, I apply those lessons, and then I move on to the next thing, and I’ll definitely do better. Failure itself, as I said, I’m not a big fan of it, but I know it’s part of the process. Of course, there are also situations where failure is rather inappropriate. A pilot or a cardiac surgeon shouldn’t think that failure is part of the process; everything simply has to work out.

And that brings us to the third point, namely, especially with things where you absolutely cannot or should not fail, it’s crucial to prepare accordingly. Typically, for any project I have ahead of me, I make a list of things I absolutely must have done, learned, or acquired skills for before I can properly carry out and complete the project. And once I’ve ticked off all ten items on this list, for example, I’ve done it, so I’m optimally prepared.

Preparation as a basis for self-confidence

Preparation is also very helpful in getting a handle on the issue of confidence, the self-assurance. That shouldn’t be underestimated. Many people are afraid of a particular topic, but they don’t even consider the surrounding circumstances, the framework, or the things they need to prepare to be ready for a job interview, a presentation, and so on. But I’m sure that once you’ve addressed the preparation aspect, you can approach the topic with a bit less anxiety, stage fright, or whatever else you might be experiencing.

These are the three most important tools I use when it comes to self-confidence. However, I also have to say that these tools might not be helpful for everyone, so perhaps this is a contrasting perspective. There are, of course, people who have illnesses, be it depression or something similar, and therefore might not be able to build real self-confidence in certain areas, where every obstacle might be a huge challenge.

It’s clear that the tips I mentioned might not work in this particular context, and that you should seek other help. However, that’s not the aim of my podcast; I simply want to say that failure is part of the process. In my opinion, you learn the most from mistakes. And sometimes, whatever the project, it’s simply a huge undertaking, and breaking it down into smaller steps is a challenge. I know that sometimes the overall picture is so vast that you don’t even know where to begin.

Break projects down into manageable steps

But I’m sure that every project can be broken down into small steps, making it easier to tackle. And every journey begins with the first small step you take. That’s something to always keep in mind. And the last point was, I think preparation is extremely important in every respect, as is having the necessary self-confidence. Okay folks, as promised, a very short Project Mindset episode. Today’s topic was self-confidence. I’m constantly working on building my own self-confidence.

Of course, I hope and wish that I’ll eventually have absolute self-confidence in all areas. But at the same time, I’m absolutely certain that people who feel a kind of hesitancy might never have 100% self-confidence in everything because they simply know they don’t know everything. And consequently, they might have certain fears of failure, or perhaps a bit of stage fright, and so on. And typically, the people I know who have boundless self-confidence…

Sometimes you can tell from a mile away that they’re not that talented. But anyway, that’s a different topic. My point today was to share how, in my opinion, you can build and develop your self-confidence. Okay, folks, I hope you enjoyed today’s episode. I have one request: if you use Apple Podcasts or Spotify, please leave me a review and a like, because that’s the only way the channel can continue to gain visibility.

Thank you so much for listening. Until next time. Don’t forget, until then, mindset is everything.