109. Why your self-image can hinder your personal growth.

Hi everyone and welcome to Project Mindset, the channel for all those who know that with the right mindset, anything is possible. In today’s podcast episode, I want to talk about the topic of identity. This has actually been a very central theme in my podcast several times. What I particularly remember is my podcast episode with the Heidelberg musician and rapper Frederik Hahn, aka Torch. In that episode—I think it was episode number 73—we really only talked about the topic of identity.

I still find it quite difficult, even though I’ve been grappling with this topic for so long, to define who I am. On the one hand, and on the other hand, not to cling too tightly to what I think I am. Because sometimes it’s really helpful to say, hey, I’m not clinging to what I think I am, for example, an entrepreneur, or an employee, or a product manager, or whatever. I’m a father, I’m a mother, and so on and so forth.

That may all be true, but sometimes it hinders or prevents you from having new experiences and adopting new identities. Interestingly, a few years ago I saw a film about this; it was about a family—a father, mother, and child. The child moved out, I think for university or something, and moved further away. And on the day the child moved out, moved further away, the parents, so to speak, shifted their identity from being full-time parents to suddenly being—of course, still parents, but no longer full-time.

When roles change in relationships

With this change, they somehow couldn’t say anything to each other anymore, they had no more conversations, no more topics of conversation, they drifted apart. I think it happened a long time ago, I think the relationship ended because what had been their absolute identity for years—being parents—suddenly no longer reflected reality. They were still parents, but not full-time anymore; it felt like they only saw their child once a month, because the child had moved away, or only when they talked on the phone.

I find this a super interesting topic; I think about it a lot. And by the way, this podcast with Torch—I’ve noticed it’s my second most-viewed podcast on YouTube. It has almost ten thousand views, which is amazing for me. Thank you so much for your support. Feel free to listen if you really want to delve deeper into the subject. But how I came up with today’s podcast episode is more because I recently rewatched a really interesting interview I had with a businesswoman named Cordula Schulz—a truly strong personality.

I had a panel discussion with her at an event I organized for the second time this year; the event is called Dinner at the Castle, I might have mentioned it here before. The third event will take place in April of this year, and incidentally, next April, on April 23, 2024, again at Heidelberg Castle, with many panelists, again in the context of sustainability, but also mindset. For me, it’s essential to consider the topic of sustainability from a mindset perspective.

A conversation about leadership and identity

Feel free to check out projectmindset.de; I’ve compiled some information there if you’d like to participate. Just take a look. But in the conversation with Ms. Schulz—and I believe I’ve mentioned it before in this podcast—we talked about her taking over the company from her father many years ago, so the topic of succession was very central at that time. And when she took over, she was the type of entrepreneur who preferred to work collaboratively, rather than in the very patriarchal style of her father, who made all the tough, concrete pronouncements and everyone obeyed his commands.

She was the type who wanted to make decisions together with the employees, for decisions to be made jointly, for the work environment to be influenced, and so on and so forth. You’d think that most people would welcome that, saying, “Hey, cool, I can have a say now, great, I can help decide things, I can shape things a bit,” and so on. But she told a completely different story; there were actually a significant number of employees who couldn’t cope with it at all.

What changes mean for employees

I’ll play that part of the conversation right now; it was incredibly interesting to me, and it was immediately clear. For the employees who couldn’t cope with this change, this transformation, I think it probably meant they had to change their entire identity. That is, they had been used for years, perhaps even in their personal lives, but definitely in their professional lives, to listening to what the boss said.

Continued

The boss says, “Do it this way,” fine, then no one thinks about it anymore because discussing it, for example, is pointless, so I do it that way. And then suddenly it’s, “No, now you can have your say. If you see a problem, feel free to say so. We can change the process,” and so on and so forth. And if you’ve been used to doing things the way your boss says for years and suddenly you can have your say, then that’s your identity. I think I’ll just play the episode with Ms. Schulz here briefly.

I’d like to start with Ms. Schulz. That was a really interesting story, Ms. Schulz, and thank you so much for being so open in our conversation. You essentially took over the company from your father, you spearheaded a huge transformation project, and what I found particularly interesting, among many other things, was when you spoke about the challenge of moving from a patriarchal system to a system of collaboration. One would think that most employees would want a system of collaboration, but I believe you have a slightly different perspective to share.

Could you please address that? Thank you so much for allowing me to be here today and share a bit about my life story. I took over the company ten years ago, having been involved for 20 years already, and I’ve witnessed the cultural shift within the company. We now have 107 colleagues; we used to be much smaller. And my father, of course, entrepreneurs are the older generation, the patriarchs. My leadership style is cooperative, based on working together and supporting one another.

A new role in the family business

And in the beginning, I came in, and then I took care of the little one, who always brings projects in. You successfully implement these projects, and that’s how you develop within a company. And the challenge—I hadn’t mentioned this, but it just occurred to me—is that I work in a man’s world. There are only men. We’re a printing company, and I either have male customers, male suppliers, or men in production. And the women are office workers and coffee makers—so, really traditional.

And in production, we have people from Elzers, we’re in Baden-Baden, and we also have many French, Turkish, Iranian, and Arab workers. That’s why I mention it; it’s quite simple. Patriarchal thinking, patriarchal leadership, patriarchal colleagues. And then I come along, a young woman fresh out of university, and say I want cooperation. I can only succeed through cooperation, through mutual support; together we want to move the company forward, we want to create a future, we want to preserve jobs.

And there was a cultural shift. A cultural shift takes years. What I’m describing isn’t about simply doing things this way and everything changing overnight. I’ve also experienced this – and I’m here to talk about the downsides, not just our success. We are incredibly successful; we’ve grown by over 60 percent since I took over ten years ago. We’ve transformed the entire company. But the cultural shift also means that people who were patriarchal or loyal to my leadership style have told me they can no longer work with me.

Cultural change and differing expectations

So, like many others, I’ve also experienced waves of employee turnover. And, which is also normal, what made it more difficult was that, as mentioned, I have this rather male-dominated culture in the company, and I then have this more empathetic, appreciative, respectful, caring, and above all, collaborative approach, this “let’s do it together” attitude. So, in my leadership during the transformation, and especially during the transformation itself, the theme of “doing it together” is central. There’s a lot of talk about this 80/20 rule, especially during changes and transformations.

That means talking to people, communicating with people, meeting them where they are. But of course, it encounters a lot of resistance. But you also have allies and a team. And the team—the question of which comes up later—is essential. But it was very, very challenging, breaking through strong barriers. So you’ve probably already noticed that what she said was incredibly interesting to me, because at the beginning I really thought, yes, most people want to have a say, or most want to say how things could or should be done, how the process could be improved.

Sticking to familiar roles

But actually, many employees didn’t want that. And as I said at the beginning of the podcast, I think that’s mainly because it’s part of their identity to simply listen to tough, concrete instructions and then suddenly abandon that. That takes energy, or it also takes mental effort; you have to overcome certain limits you have in your head. And I can certainly understand why some didn’t go along with it. In today’s podcast, I actually wanted to give you a question to take away as a little mindset tool.

Continued

So, what identities do you cling to? It could be something really mundane. Nothing particularly interesting comes to mind right now, except maybe, for example, you say I don’t eat marzipan. And I definitely won’t try anything with marzipan in it. So, something super mundane, or something more profound, like friendships. In this context, I also realize that I sometimes feel like I define myself through certain friendships, especially old ones from my early years, where I say, yeah, hey, these are simply part of my life, these are my friends, these are my friendships, and so on.

But over time, I also realize, hey, if it’s somehow negatively charged, or if the conversation is only about problems and so on, then yes, of course, I still want to be friends with that person, but I don’t want to see it as part of my identity. This also means examining what I identify with, and actually needing to detach myself a bit from it so I can be open to other things, open to new things, and perhaps explore and move in other directions.

Examine your self-image in everyday life

Whether it’s friendships, work, or whatever else is currently on your mind. Great people, that was today’s Project Mindset episode. I hope you enjoyed it. If so, as always, I’d appreciate it if you could give me a like and a star rating on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, because that’s the only way Project Mindset can continue to grow. Thank you for listening. Until next time, and remember, until then, mindset is everything.