91. Mindset Moment 02: The fastest method to feel “happier”.

Hi everyone and welcome to Project Mindset, the channel for all those who know that with the right mindset, anything is possible. For me, the fastest way to feel incredibly good, like a superhero, is to do someone a favor or simply be extremely kind to someone else. Let me give you an example. I recently helped an elderly lady carry her suitcase up the stairs..

You could tell he was really happy about it. I had offered to help and said that I would of course be happy to do it. She probably thought for a moment that I wanted to steal the suitcase, grab it, and run away, but I deliberately walked up high so that she could see I didn’t mean any harm; I just wanted to carry his suitcases upstairs in a friendly manner. Afterwards, she thanked me, and I felt great. She had a smile on her face—what more could you want? It makes you feel good, of course.

And I want to talk to you today about this topic of friendliness. A while ago I had a podcast with Jakob Fati, an incredibly nice guy. I’ll come back to his quote, which I want to focus on today, in a moment. But how I came to talk about this quote is that a few days ago I was with my wife. We went for a nice walk, passed a café, got a coffee, and at the counter the staff said that they only accepted card payments.

An unexpected help at the coffee counter

And at that moment, I’m typically not a cash-carrying person; I rarely carry cash with me. But on that day, I had cash on me, but no debit card. The order had already been placed—coffee and cake to go, and so on—and then I had to say, “Sorry, I don’t have a card with me at all.” My wife didn’t have anything either. Then, from behind, a friendly young woman said, “Hey, if you like, I’ll pay with my card now, and you can just transfer the money directly to me via PayPal.”

It’s so incredibly kind, such a great idea! I never would have thought of it, but she just offered it out of the blue. After thanking her, we did exactly that. I sent it directly via PayPal, and we had a nice chat. She mentioned that she wasn’t even from Heidelberg and that she thought Heidelberg was absolutely beautiful. I said, “Yes, it’s the most beautiful city in the world, Heidelberg!” I think my podcast listeners know by now that I love Heidelberg very, very much, but it was so interesting that the lady was just so friendly to me, or rather, to us, and I was incredibly happy that someone spontaneously, out of the blue—I hadn’t even asked for it—just gave me such a kind gesture, or rather, showed me one.

What we learn about kindness

And the topic of friendliness, for me, goes in the same direction as gratitude; it’s something that isn’t really taught, so it’s not shown. At school, you might learn a little bit about manners, so to a certain extent, etiquette, saying please and thank you, and so on..

But what truly means to be friendly to people isn’t something we’re taught. And let’s be honest, how many people do you actually know who make a point of being friendly? Personally, I know that if someone has been exceptionally friendly to me, or in any way that I’ve seen that person be friendly to someone else, that definitely sticks with me. Of course, the opposite is also true: if someone has been unfriendly at all, it sticks with me, but equally, if someone has been extremely friendly to me, that definitely sticks with me too.

Kindness without expectation of return

And today I don’t want to examine the topic of friendliness from any particular perspective, like saying, “Hey, for example, I’m being friendly to my boss so that he’ll think of me when I get my next raise,” or “I’m being friendly to someone else with the ulterior motive of getting something in return.”.

I’m talking about this random act of kindness, and to get back to Jakob Fati and the podcast episode, I’m talking about one of those random acts of friendliness, like the lady carrying my suitcase upstairs, or someone else offering to pay the amount first and then letting me settle it via PayPal – very random and very kind, and things like that do stick with you..

And that, for me, is a completely different kind of friendliness than, for example, if I deliberately treat someone kindly in the hope, with some ulterior motive, that the person will then be friendly to me in return—a bit of a handshake, maybe the other hand. I’m not talking about that at all. I’m talking about people, perhaps even complete strangers, or even people you know, who you’re just randomly being overly friendly in that moment, not only so that the other person feels good, but also so that you feel good yourself.

A mindset moment with Jacob Fatih

And here I’d like to share a very short quote, or rather an excerpt, from a podcast with Jakob Fati because it’s exactly on this topic. He mentioned random acts without any specific reason; he gives away small wooden hearts to random people he meets somewhere. They’re quite small, I’d say about the size of a penny. If you want to see exactly what they look like, either check out my YouTube channel and watch the video there, or…www.projectmindset.deSlash 63, I also posted a small photo of this little heart there. But here is the episode, or rather the one with Jakob Fati.

Jacob Fatih on perseverance and love

Let’s move on to the last question, Jakob, which I ask every guest: Which mindset has had the greatest and most positive influence on you personally? Well, there can be two, because there are indeed two. First, it’s what my father taught me very intensely as a small child, even as a six-year-old: never give up—that sheer enormous perseverance, no matter what you do. And second, it’s this belief in love, that love can change everything, that you can solve your problems with love, that you simply don’t have to be so stubborn.

Small hearts as a gesture of kindness

And I’d like to share something with you, something that’s really new to me too. I’ve recently adopted a random act of kindness: simply giving a heart to someone I meet. It’s been really well received. I do it in restaurants, everywhere I travel, you name it, even on airplanes. Of course, I have to say something about it; it can easily go wrong. But I believe the world, and all of humanity, can never have enough of this: a random act of kindness each day, bringing a little joy to each of us, and then everything will be so much better.

When kindness is misunderstood

That really impressed me, and I think it was also important that he said that friendliness is sometimes misinterpreted. And despite all the positive things that can happen, I’ve also had this experience with friendliness: when you’re friendly, or even very, very friendly to someone, it can sometimes have negative effects on the other person’s behavior. What I mean is, I’ve sometimes had the feeling that when I’ve been particularly friendly to someone, it’s somehow perceived as me being weak, or maybe even a bit dim, or whatever. Friendliness can then be completely misunderstood by the other person and seen as a weakness, or perhaps even exploited next time.

What reactions reveal about the other person

For me personally, even situations like these are actually a pretty good indication of how the other person really thinks. So, if I’m friendly to someone and I notice they don’t appreciate it or think it’s some kind of weakness or stupidity on my part, or whatever, that says a lot about their psyche, their personality type, or how they tick. So I’m incredibly grateful for that, even if I receive a negative response despite my being so friendly.

Personal experiences and personal limits

And I have so many stories where I can say I was simply being friendly at a certain moment, and somehow I was accused of something, even of being malicious on my part. Maybe you’ve experienced that too. Or I’ve also noticed that the other person wanted to take advantage of my friendliness, for example, to enjoy it in that case. And I have to say, of course, friendliness itself can have negative consequences. Nevertheless, I believe that we could all live together much better in our society if we were simply friendlier to each other now and then.

Outlook on further interviews

So, that’s it for today’s podcast. I can tell you that a few more interviews will be coming soon. There has been a break in interviews, but I plan to start again. I’ve already contacted a few people whose mindsets I find really interesting. So, a little more is coming soon, just a little more patience, please..

Of course, I’ll continue to provide you with these individual podcasts where it’s just me speaking, but now, after a longer break during which no other external people joined me, I plan to interview more people again, get more input from outside, gain more insights, and experience more interesting mindsets, and I’m extremely excited about it. So, as always, I would be very grateful if you could leave a like or simply talk to your friends, relatives, and acquaintances about the podcast, because that’s the only way Project Mindset can continue to grow. We’ll talk again soon, don’t forget, until then, mindset is everything.