38. You are a role model. Whether you like it or not.

Hi everyone and welcome to Project Mindset, the channel for all those who know that with the right mindset, anything is possible in life. First of all, a big sorry for my slightly nasal voice. I’ve caught a bit of a cold; I’m feeling much better now, but still, I think I sound a little nasal. Sorry about that, and I hope you’re all feeling better. Today I want to talk about a topic that I find very, very interesting and that I recently discussed with a friend: the topic of role models.

This buddy—maybe a few words about him—is a really cool friend of mine. He’s the kind of guy you see once a year, or maybe every year and a half, and during that time you have absolutely no contact with him. And when you finally see each other again—in this case, he was at my place, we had some nice wine—you pick up right where you left off. So, the epitome of a zero-expectations friendship, in the best sense of the word—no expectations of the friendship, but despite that, you simply have a wonderful and truly enjoyable time together.

A formative childhood memory

And it was with this very friend that I talked about the topic of role models. I also thought about how I could approach this topic with you. I don’t just want to say, hey, it’s important to be a good role model. But I have a story from my childhood that has actually stayed with me to this day. The first question I want to ask you is, what do you remember most vividly when you think about your childhood or adolescence? I think it’s the moments when you can really see the emotions in your mind’s eye.

So, the emotions that a certain person or situation brought out. I have one situation that I remember really well. I was at school, in elementary school, it was third or fourth grade, it was definitely elementary school, and an older student wanted to beat me up, he threatened me. He really wanted to beat me up. And to this day, I don’t know why he wanted to do that. I mean, really, I absolutely don’t know. The interesting thing is, he was a complete stranger to me.

A classmate becomes a protector.

The interesting thing is that another classmate, also an older one, was there at exactly the right moment and was practically my protector. He told the other student, “Hey, if you so much as touch him, you’ll have me to deal with.” It’s incredibly interesting; I don’t know either of them, but the emotion is incredibly vivid in my memory, or rather, the feeling I had back then. I can really remember exactly what it felt like. And one of them was, of course, a negative role model, while the other was, I’d say, a very positive one.

And I remember it so clearly because the emotions are simply there. Even today, I’m 38 now, which means after so many years, I know exactly how I felt back then. And that’s precisely what it’s about today, because I believe role models can help evoke positive feelings and remind you why you should behave accordingly in certain situations. The one protector from back then, whom I only saw for a fleeting moment in my life—I can hardly remember what else was said—but that one brief moment contributed to the fact that I don’t behave that way today. It’s true that when I see someone who is somehow smaller, weaker, or in need of protection in any way, I actually make sure they aren’t bullied.

Stand up for the weak today

That was already the case during my school days, and even today, when I see, for example, a younger child being bullied at the playground, when I’m there with my little one, I make sure to intervene and say, “Unfortunately, this isn’t acceptable, we don’t do things like that here.” And that’s really only because—I also believe my parents certainly played a big part in it—but what I can really remember is this protective behavior from that one stranger, that I would make sure that someone weaker or smaller, no matter the situation, was safe. I would definitely step in.

Accordingly, I behave this way today, and accordingly, I know very well that I can teach my children—and as you know, this is a very big issue for me—what I can actually teach my children and how. I know very well now, my youngest is four, that talking alone doesn’t achieve anything; I have to model what I do. In certain situations, I also have to connect emotions with my behavior with my young children, because I can talk all I want, I can say all I want, I can be as wise as I want, but what matters is what my children see from me, what kind of behavior they see from me, how they see me dealing with my environment, with certain problems, or with certain situations. That’s exactly what they then imitate.

Children learn through our behavior

There’s a wonderful English saying that fits this topic perfectly: “Children are great imitators, so give them something great to imitate.” I can absolutely agree with that statement. It took me a while to truly understand that I can still talk and chat too much with my children. But it really depends on what I like them to do. There are various things I’ve naturally inherited from my parents, and one very positive thing I’d like to share with you is this: when I think about my childhood, I always remember how respectfully my parents treated each other.

Leading by example with respect within the family

In arguments or discussions, they never used swear words, they never raised their voices, they always spoke to each other kindly and respectfully. Of course, I don’t know what happened behind closed doors, but in front of us children, they always treated each other with respect. That’s exactly what I try to continue today. Not that my parents told me so in any way, but they modeled it for me.

You can ask my wife if you like; I never use swear words in discussions, I don’t raise my voice. I make sure to treat her with respect. Naturally, I expect the same in return. Like I said, you can ask my wife; I’m 100% behind it. Now, here’s something I learned relatively late in life: everyone is a role model for someone else in their life—not just their immediate children, relatives, friends, and so on, but also for those they might have only seen for a few seconds.

Small actions with a big impact

In my particular case, it’s the quasi-protector from elementary school. I only saw him for a few seconds, and that was enough to have such a huge impact on my life. I also think that I, and my listeners, are role models for others in some way through our daily actions. Whether unconsciously or not, I don’t know, I do pay attention, for example, when I’m walking somewhere and there’s trash on the ground, making sure I pick it up and throw it away.

It also depends a bit on how disgusting the trash is, I admit that. But I usually throw it away because I know perfectly well that someone else will see it. Someone will see it, someone will take note and do the same as me. Or it’s super easy to just throw trash on the ground, but—and I think it’s really awful that so many people do it. But I’m careful not to do that, and not to teach my kids that either. Hey, you just don’t throw trash on the ground.

Be a role model in everyday public life

I think it’s a fantastic, fantastic example. And I also don’t understand why some parents, like I sometimes see in my daily life, in children’s playgrounds with my little one, do that. I really don’t understand why people want to be a bad example. I also make sure not to cross the street when the light is red, even if there are few people around, because there might be a small child standing somewhere in the corner watching me cross against a red light.

But I still think it’s clear that there aren’t only positive role models, but also negative ones. I just mentioned the example of simply throwing trash on the street; I think it’s completely wrong to do something like that. And I think many people, from conversations I know, have struggled with disappointments from their childhood. And there’s a really good quote for that: “Be the role model you needed when you were younger.” This doesn’t just apply to disappointments; I think everyone probably has one or two situations in their life where they didn’t have a good role model.

To become the role model you yourself would have needed.

And if you can remember that, then perhaps you should follow it today and be a role model—the kind of role model you wish you’d had as a teenager. Yes, simply live that way and fulfill that role model function in some way, because you’re definitely being observed by someone. So, folks, as always, a short Project Meizel episode. I hope you enjoyed it, despite my slightly nasal voice. I hope you were able to take something away from it, if so.

As always, please share the podcast, because that’s the only way the channel can continue to grow. I hope to hear from you again soon, and until then, don’t forget, my Z is everything.